Humor

Democrats/Leftists - Humor - Liberals - President - Warner Todd Huston - Washington D.C.

From My Facebook Feed: What Caused the D.C. Earthquake?

August 25, 2011 by

-By Warner Todd Huston

Here are some of the jokes that appeared on my FaceBook Page about what caused the earthquake in the Virginia/Washington D.C. area the other day.

I started the ball rolling with this:

Wait, is it true that the DC quake was triggered by someone dropping a copy of the Obamacare bill??

My friend Matt added:

Maybe it was the total bill for all of Michelle’s vacations.

Leo said:

Actually, it was the precipitous tanking of Obama’s approval ratings.

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From My Facebook Feed: What Caused the D.C. Earthquake?”

Cable - Entertainment - Humor - Journalism - Liberals - Media - Media Bias - TV - Warner Todd Huston

Jon Stewart: Moderate or Thinly Veiled, Hard-Core, Left-Winger, With a Thin Patina of Objectivity Spread on Top?

June 14, 2011 by

-By Warner Todd Huston

Steven Crowder rips the false “patina” of objectivity off hard-core leftist Jon Stewart by revealing an email that team Stewart sent him telling him that they will never hire a conservative for the Stewart show.

Jon Stewart is just as biased as those he satirizes on his comedy show. And make no mistake, Stewart does not do news. He is nothing but a left-wing comedian.

Stewart is selling his gullible audience a bill of goods. Anyone that imagines that Stewart is selling “the unbiased truth” is a fool. You may like Stewart’s humor, you may like his show, but don’t fool yourself into believing that he is not selling a left-wing agenda.

Anti-Americanism - Anti-Semitism - Barack Obama - Democrats/Leftists - Government - Humor - Israel - Liberals - Palestinians - President - Warner Todd Huston

Hey Obama, Let’s Go Back to Pre-1958 Borders, Too…

May 31, 2011 by

From the mail bag:

Dear President Obama:

I am writing today with a somewhat unusual request. First and foremost, I am asking that you return America to its August 20th, 1959 borders so that Hawaii is no longer a state and you are no longer a citizen.

Signed:
Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu

(H/T my friend at Blue Collar Muse)

al Qaeda - Anti-Americanism - Germany - Humor - Islamofascism - Military - Navy - Osama bin Ladden - Terrorism - Warner Todd Huston

Old Media Ninnies Alert: German Newscast Displays Star Trek Logo as Seal Team 6 Patch

May 13, 2011 by 2 Comments

-By Warner Todd Huston

Steve Gill* found an amusing little story. Apparently a German television news show had a report on Seal Team 6, the group responsible for taking down Osama bin Ladden, and the TV folks meant to show the military patch of the Seals on-air. But instead of showing Seal Team 6’s actual arm patch, the morons at the TV station used a logo designed by a Star Trek fan for a fictional terror group called “the Maquis, Seal Team 6.”

Of course, the ridiculous thing here is that all one has to do is look at the mistaken patch and it would be pretty obvious that it is not the Navy Seal patch of the U.S. military.


The actual arm patch for U.S. Navy Seal Team 6


Logo for the fictional, Star Trek Maquis Seal Team 6

Seriously. Hello Germany… there is a phaser on the Maquis logo! That should have tipped you off. Not to mention the Klingon weapons in a circle at the bottom! Sheese. Do you guys pay attention at all?
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Old Media Ninnies Alert: German Newscast Displays Star Trek Logo as Seal Team 6 Patch”

Barack Obama - Budget - Business - Capitalism - Democrats/Leftists - Economy/Finances - Ethics - Government - Humor - Liberals - President - Taxes - Warner Todd Huston

Government Motor’s New Car: The GM WeeKann

April 19, 2011 by 1 Comment

-By Warner Todd Huston

Since Barack Obama has taken over General Motors, the newly installed Obama-owned executives have come up with a way to save the floundering auto giant. They’ve come up with a new car model that they are absolutely sure will save the company.

This new car has not been designed by professionals but has been created by focus group and with close consultation with Obama’s friends in the green sector, the labor sector, and his other constituents.

So, without further ado here are the features of the new GM WeeKann…
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Government Motor’s New Car: The GM WeeKann”

Democrats/Leftists - Ethics - Government - Humor - Warner Todd Huston

Voting Democrat is Wholly Illogical Based Only on Childish Feelings

April 9, 2011 by

-By Warner Todd Huston

This is one of those chain emails that I rarely bother with. But this one is particularly funny and bitingly true. Well, true after I rewrote it a bit…

Why I Vote Democrat

  • I voted Democrat because I believe a 4% profit by oil companies on a gallon of gas is obscene, but the government taxing the same gallon of gas at 15% (or more) isn’t.
  • I voted Democrat because I believe the government will do a better job of spending my money than I can.
  • I voted Democrat because because Freedom of Speech is fine as long as nobody is offended by it. And if I can stop those other people from saying those things then let’s write a law or something.
  • I voted Democrat because because I’m way too irresponsible to own a gun and I know that my local police are all I need to protect me from murderers and thieves who strike without notice.
  • I voted Democrat because I believe that people who can’t tell us if it will rain on Friday can tell us that the polar ice caps will melt away in ten years if I don’t start driving a Prius, buy Carbon Credits, or do without modern comforts.
  • I voted Democrat because I’m not concerned about millions of babies being aborted so long as we keep all murderers on death row alive.
  • I voted Democrat because I think illegal aliens have a right to free health care, education, and Social Security benefits at my expense.
  • I voted Democrat because I believe that business should not be allowed to make a profit. They need to break even and give the rest away to the government for redistribution as we Democrats see fit.
  • I voted Democrat because I believe liberal judges need to rewrite the Constitution every few weeks to suit some fringe kooks who would never get their agendas past the voters otherwise.
  • I voted Democrat because I think that it’s better to pay billions to get oil from people who hate us, but not drill for our own because it might upset some endangered beetle or a gopher or something.
  • I voted Democrat because I am sick and tired of all the mean-spirited rhetoric in politics. And if you don’t like that, you are a racist, homophobe that wants to kill old people and children… oh, and you’re a Nazi.
  • I voted Democrat because while we live in the greatest, most wonderful country in the world, I want to change it all with that promised “HOPE AND CHANGE.”
  • I voted Democrat because the United States has been the most evil influence on the world and we need to take her arrogance down a notch. After all, we are worse than terrorists, our school teachers told us so!
  • But most of all I voted Democrat because it makes me better than YOU just because…. well, just because it makes me feeeeeel good.

I was reminded of this one by Texas Fred who has a great blog. See it at: http://texasfred.net/
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Voting Democrat is Wholly Illogical Based Only on Childish Feelings”

Democrats/Leftists - Education - Government - Humor - Liberals - Warner Todd Huston

Grumpy Bloggers Will Live Forever!

March 14, 2011 by

-By Warner Todd Huston

And now a word from one of our “scientists” at the University of California…

You happy goofballs die young. That’s right, you heard me. A new study has determined that I will live forever because I am a grump and you smiling fools will die young. Take THAT! And get off my lawn while you are at it.

Much as I hate these pseudo scientific, time-wasting “studies” — all of them being a waste of my tax money at so-called universities that neither deserve the title nor the power — but this one suits my disposition, so I’m going to say that it must be true!

UPI is reporting that a study conducted under the auspices of some pointy-headed, tweed jacket-wearing, communist at the University of California, Riverside has shown that people with a cheery disposition die younger than us realistic, more sensible folks….

Read the rest at RightPundits.com.
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Grumpy Bloggers Will Live Forever!”

Anti-Americanism - Budget - Democrats/Leftists - GOP - Government - House of Representatives - Humor - Indiana - Liberals - Public Employees Unions - Republicans - Taxes - Teachers Unions - Unions - Warner Todd Huston

Ind. Republicans Spoof on Fleebagging Democrats in Satire Song

March 10, 2011 by

-By Warner Todd Huston

At least the GOP has been civil during this whole debate. This is not something that the wild-eyed, hatemongers on the left of the union thugs can say. Well, here are some elected GOP officials in Indiana trying to lighten the mood a bit with a spoof on the old John Denver song “Take Me Home, County Road.”

The chorus of the Hoosier’s song goes: “Bring them home to the place they belong, Indiana!”

Great stuff.

Lyrics:
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Ind. Republicans Spoof on Fleebagging Democrats in Satire Song”

Entertainment - Humor - India - Movies - Warner Todd Huston

Look Out it’s ROBOT!

January 27, 2011 by 1 Comment

-By Warner Todd Huston

Yes, prepare yourself for the greatest action movie of all time…

I mean, come on. I don’t know if this actioner is meant to be “serious” action movie in India (Like Die Hard is in America, for instance) or if it’s just supposed to be tongue-in-cheek fun, but this one is hilarious. Get ready for ROBOT.

Part two has the most action, so I’ll post that first…

But if you want to know how it all starts, here is part one. And, YES, you get a ubiquitous Indian dance number in this one, preformed by a CG robot even…

Ah, Bollywood!

Books - Entertainment - Humor - Warner Todd Huston

New Novel: Tales of the Dim Knight

December 9, 2010 by

Friend to the blog Adam Graham and his lovely wife Andrea have published a new novel that is an ideal Christmas gift. Titled Tales of the Dim Knight,” the book is a fun sci-fi romp.

Mild-mannered janitor and superhero fanboy Dave Johnson gets all his wishes at once when a symbiotic alien gives him supernatural powers. But what’s he to do with them? Follow his zany adventures as he fights crime and corruption while trying to keep his family together and avoid being sued for copyright infringement.

“A truly original premise, Tales of a Dim Knight is a light-hearted escape into the world of superheroes and villains with a thoughtful twist as to what matters most in life.”
–Jill Williamson, author of By Darkness Hid

Dim Knight is written in the same vein as the satirical “Your Average Ordinary Alien,” which was featured in Light at the Edge of Darkness ($14.95 US), a Lost Genre Guild Anthology published by The Writer’s Cafe Press and Edited by Cynthia MacKinnon. You can now read the first chapter online for free or download a sample to your Kindle or other preferred ebook platform.

Like Tales of the Dim Knight on facebook.

Order Paperback version from Splashdown Books $10.95 US (plus shipping)

Order Author Signed Copy from Cross Purposes $10.95 US (plus $3 shipping)

Purchase Kindle version Only $4.25 Note: Kindle books can be read on the ipad.

A Good Book for My Kids?

Read a bio of the authors.

Anti-Americanism - Barack Obama - Crime - Democrats/Leftists - Government - House of Representatives - Humor - Immigration/Immigrants - Liberals - Nancy Pelosi - President - Warner Todd Huston

Illegal Alien’s Bill of Rights

November 28, 2010 by

-By Warner Todd Huston

President Barack Obama will soon introduce the Undocumented Resident’s Affirmative Toleration Act (URAT) in order to protect those unfortunate minorities that didn’t win life’s lottery by being born in the U.S.A. President Obama’s compassion for these downtrodden and oppressed peoples is well known, but he wants particular attention paid to those human beings that white Arizona racists have mercilessly attacked with their new ultra strict, unheard of anti-minority resident laws.

President Obama has released information of the URAT Act ahead of the scheduled press conference including the features of URAT.

The 2010 Undocumented Resident’s Affirmative Toleration Act (URAT) will summarily order the following:
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Illegal Alien’s Bill of Rights”

Anti-Americanism - Democrats/Leftists - Elections - Humor - Liberals - Paul A. Ibbetson - TV

Stewart and Colbert: Laughing With the Left Until it Hurts

November 12, 2010 by

Paul A. Ibbetson

There is just something about humor that makes it inviting in almost every situation. We love to have our funny bone tickled in so many ways, and it is both the joke and its creative delivery that keeps us coming back for more. Good comedy has the power to transcend many a strong grievance and many a harsh battleground. Take politics for instance. There is seldom found a more divisive subject that can be broached between two individuals. Politics has the power to set lifelong friends to physical blows at a high school reunion, or deacons to highly charged whispers of anger while passing the collection plate in church. I think you know what I am saying, and I bet you have been there before. If you haven’t, you will be, as assuredly as death and taxes, but there I go talking politics again.

The point is that humor serves as a “pressure relief valve” that allows us all to laugh at ourselves as well as those on the other side of the aisle. Being able to do both is important. Knowing when to do it is a step toward the divine. Everyone seems to have the ability to laugh at their adversaries; however, many do it in ways that demean themselves and the comedic process. When liberals laugh in a red-eyed, frothing frenzy during Michael Moore films they are not paying homage to comedic flair, but instead are simply wallowing in the filth of partisan anger. This is because Michael Moore films are not funny, but are sad in that “I just ran over your puppy and I think I will blame it on your neighbor because he is a successful capitalist” kind of way. To applaud poor comedic attempts, or just plain acts of political sniping, is attacking one’s own sense of where true comedy resides.
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Stewart and Colbert: Laughing With the Left Until it Hurts”

Anti-Americanism - Congress - Conservatives - Constitution - Democrats/Leftists - Elections - Entertainment - GOP - Government - House of Representatives - Humor - Liberals - Race - Republicans - Video - Warner Todd Huston

VIDEO: A Typical Debate Between a Democrat and a Republican

November 11, 2010 by

Here we have a typical encounter between an all caring, more civilized, smarter, and more loving Democrat and one of those eeeevil Republicans. As soon as politics is brought up, hilarity ensues.

Conservatives - Democrats/Leftists - Government - Humor - Liberals - Media - Media Bias - PCism - Society/Culture - Warner Todd Huston - Western Civilization

Welcome to ‘Smug-A-Palooza’: a Fake Rally for the Arrogant

October 31, 2010 by

-By Warner Todd Huston

Think you’re smarter than everyone else? Think you are more “civilized,” more “adult,” and more “informed” than all around you? Then your arrogance makes you a perfect contestant for the Comedy Central Shark-Jumping event with the two… well, I guess you call them “comedians”… Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert.

They think quite a bit about themselves, don’t they?

The newest estimate of the crowd size was around 200,000. That is a good, large number to be sure. But it is still far, far less than Beck drew and it must be pointed out that with these “comedy” guys they had to get two of them together to get that numbers.

Me, I’ve always felt sorry for the “tragically hip” folks out there like those that fall for Stewart and Colbert. They are such mindless conformists.

Here is the best quote I’ve seen on this national disgrace that was the Stewart/Colbert rally:

You want some media criticism? Try this: Think how much better informed we would be as a nation about the monumental election in two days if members of the press had spent half the time reporting and writing about the issues and candidates instead Stewart, Colbert and their exercise in ego on the mall — their effort to prove they can draw as big an audience as Beck.

What an apt description and a sentient observation!

This was by the Baltimore Sun’s TV critic David Zurawik, a guy I usually disagree with.

Anti-Americanism - Barbara Boxer - California - Democrats/Leftists - Elections - Entertainment - Government - Hollywood - Humor - Liberals - Military - Senate - Video - Warner Todd Huston

‘Call Me Madam’: Let This Video Be My Apology for Once Supporting Sen. Boxer

October 22, 2010 by

-By Warner Todd Huston

David Zucker has made a great video slamming Barbara “Senator Ma’am” Boxer. It is very funny.

Call Me Madam Joe from RightChange on Vimeo.

Zucker says on BigHollywood.com, “I was motivated to do something on this after I saw the video of Barbara Boxer interrogating the General.”

I remember immediately feeling embarrassed that a member of Congress would treat an officer of the U.S. military like that. And doubly embarrassed that back in the early 90’s I had contributed to Barbara Boxer’s campaign. I was so outraged at the pure arrogance of that moment, that I sat down to write the spot, highlighting the pure absurdity of our California Senator dressing down a General for calling her “Ma’am.” No Naked Gun or Scary Movie ever had an opportunity as good as that one for pure ridicule. Never mind that the military are instructed to call their superiors including members of congress ‘Sir’ or ‘Ma’am’, including specifically, Members of Congress!

I thought an apology would have been appropriate, but to my knowledge, none has ever been made by Senator Boxer. This I find distressing, since apologies from public figures nowadays are the norm. I mean, it’s not as if she texted her junk to Brett Favre. This was just arrogantly insulting an army officer. But I guess that’s okay with her.

This odious woman deserves to be fired from the Senate. Come on California. Are you going to allow this arrogant cuss to be returned?

Crime - Florida - Humor - Warner Todd Huston

Thieves Make Boobs of Victoria Secrets, No Bust Yet

October 2, 2010 by

-By Warner Todd Huston

A cup-le of thieves made boobs of the security at Victoria Secrets in Ocala, Florida last week. Early in the week 101 tank tops were stolen and later bras worth $2,000 were lifted and separated from the store chain.

Apparently the thefts were bracing enough to get the ogling of the media as the Star Banner sent top drawer reporter Austin Miller to cover the points.

It appears that a pair of boosters distracted the store clerks while a third manhandled the bras and made off with them.

Store workers were upset at the ta tas waved to their merchandise but thieves were not too busted up over the prospect.

I’ll try to keep abreast of story details as they develop.
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Thieves Make Boobs of Victoria Secrets, No Bust Yet”

Humor - Iran - Islam - Religion - Sharia - Warner Todd Huston

Fatwa Issued Against Fake Fatwa Issuer’s Fatwas

August 28, 2010 by

-By Warner Todd Huston

Youssef Al-Ahmed, a Saudi cleric, issued a fatwa against the supermarket chain Panda for daring to hire women who mingle with male customers and employees alike.

But Grand Mufti Sheik Abdul-Aziz Al Sheik has issued a fatwa against the fatwa issued by Youssef Al-Ahmed because Al-Ahmed is not of sufficient status to issue fatwas.

In reply Al-Ahmed issued a fatwaette against any of his junior clerics from talking about the rescinded fatwa.

Grand Mufti Sheik Abdul-Aziz Al Sheik then issued a fatwa against fatwaettes saying you can’t have smaller fatwas. “A fatwa is a fatwa is a fatwa,” the Mufti said.

Al-Ahmed sent a holy text on his i-Phone to the Grand Mufti asking if he might issue lite-twas, instead?

The Grand Mufti texted back saying that Al-Ahmed could issue lite-twas but only once a month and only against fast food places and not supermarkets.

Al-Ahmed countered with asking permission to issue lite-twas against gas station lunch counters and fast food places.

The Grand Mufti agreed but told him that he couldn’t issue lite-twas against Taco Bell because the Mufti loved their goat meat tacos.

Al-Ahmed agreed and issued his first lite-twa against Burger King because they forgot to add extra pickles the last time he drove his limo through the drive thu.

And God approved.

As-Salamu ‘Alaykum, everybody.
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Fatwa Issued Against Fake Fatwa Issuer’s Fatwas”

Budget - Congress - Democrats/Leftists - Economy/Finances - Elections - Free Trade - Government - Humor - Liberals - Taxes - Warner Todd Huston

Congress Secretly Behind Massive Egg Recall

August 24, 2010 by

-By Warner Todd Huston

The news is everywhere of the U.S. Food and Drug Administration’s recall of millions of eggs from several Midwestern farms allegedly due to fears of a salmonella outbreak but the real story is undergoing a massive coverup.

The truth is that Congressional Democrats are behind this recall. In a secret document discovered by famed blogger Dabney Schoosel, a joint order by Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi and Democrat Senate Majority leader Harry Reid was issued to the USDA to initiate the recall for “political reasons.”

The order directs the USDA to begin a massive egg recall that will eventually recall all eggs in the country. The reason for this recall is to prevent eggs being thrown at Democrats who have returned home across the country to begin holding townhall meetings just ahead of the upcoming midterm elections.

However, in a late development, it has been discovered that this order has been rescinded after the USDA made its early recalls. The Democrat majority has since changed its political policy on returning Democrat’s townhall plans. Democrats have just canceled them all instead.

Check out this secret video of a Democratic Congressmen’s planning meeting…

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Congress Secretly Behind Massive Egg Recall”

Blogging - Humor - Inernet - Technology - Warner Todd Huston

A Guide to Political Blog Comments Posters

August 22, 2010 by

-By Warner Todd Huston

I want everyone to know that I love the comments posters on political blogs. OK, truth be known I love the ones that agree with me. The others, not so much. But I really can see the logic to those that say comments are the worst part of the Internet Tubes. 99% of the time the comments section add nothing but vitriol and pointless blather…. not to mention a dearth of grammar and spelling. While there’s the occasional really detailed and good comment that does add to the thread, the good ones are far and few between.

Heck, there’ve been many months when I’ve just shut down the comments section on my own blog due to spamming. Only recently have I turned it back on.

But whatever the propriety of a blog comments section, the sad fact is they are all the same on nearly every political blog. It’s probably just a reflection of human nature, but these comments sections are all so eerily similar as to cause one to wonder if comments sections everywhere are all written by the same few post-happy people.

This may be the same on all blogs, but it is at least true on political clogs. You tell me. Go to a political blog comments section and I’ll bet you’ll find these commenters:

The I Luv U Man

No matter what is posted as the main post, this commenter loves it and thinks it was written by the smartest person in the world. This commenter is SURE that this post is the smartest thing a human has ever written, that is until the next post comes up and then THAT post is just as brilliant.
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A Guide to Political Blog Comments Posters”

Humor - Warner Todd Huston

Dear Boss, This ‘HOPA’ Just Ain’t That Into You

August 10, 2010 by

Today’s palette cleanser: Young Jenny was apparently a “HOPA” at the office… at lest she was as far as the boss was concerned. Well, let’s just say that our Miss Jenny wasn’t amused. So she quit her job and as she did so she emailed these 33 photos to her colleagues explaining why.

CLICK HERE to see her clever resignation letter.

Now, news is that this is a hoax meant to advertise a new website. But whether it’s real or not, it is very funny. I still like it.

Fashion - Humor - Warner Todd Huston

Abercrumbie & Flitch Under Fire: Old People Should Stay Out of Malls

July 24, 2010 by

-By Warner Todd Huston

Abercrumbie & Flitch, the trendy fashion retailer, is under fire from customers and the media for its newest sales campaign. The retailer is calling it “Old sCOOL” and features scantily clad elderly folks modeling the store’s latest line of apparel.

Store spokesman and mastermind of the campaign, Stewart Kindly, said that the new campaign is meant to bring older customers back into the stores because, “Old people are cool, ya know?”

Mr. Kindly said that increasingly, older Americans are feeling left out of the loop in America’s malls where the retailer has most of its outlets. The chain felt that it was time to let the aged and infirm have a chance to “dress like a slut.”
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Abercrumbie & Flitch Under Fire: Old People Should Stay Out of Malls”

Ann "Babe" Huggett - Anti-Americanism - Barack Obama - Entertainment - Humor - President

The Pirates of Penzance updated

June 25, 2010 by 1 Comment

-By Ann “Babe” Huggett

One of the most astute and witty political and cultural journalists of our time, Mark Steyn, recently mocked President Obama as a “modern major generalist” in reference to Obama’s over-arching, bloodless speeches, pedantic dependence on failed political theory and tanking presidency. Steyn so enjoyed his pun that he used it again in a different article and who can blame him? It’s a brilliant observation but how many readers are even familiar with Gilbert & Sullivan’s song, I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major General, in particular and it’s operetta in general, The Pirates of Penzance?

Now, I am not going to go into the history, Victorian politics or plot of the The Pirates of Penzance or the artistic tensions and musical rivalries between Gilbert & Sullivan here. That is for the curious to find out for themselves. So my apologies to Gilbert & Sullivan but what I am going to do is, in my own way, bring their satiric observation of Peter Principle leaders up-to-date:

Obama is the Very Model of a Modern Major Generalist
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The Pirates of Penzance updated”