Illinois Democrat Sponsors Bill to Kill all White Puppies in State Because They Have White Privilege

-By Warner Todd Huston

Illinois Rep. Julie Stratin of Chicago’s 11th District has introduced a bill to have all state shelters immediately euthanize dogs with predominantly white coats. Stratin says that white dogs represent too much white privilege and she wants to level the playing field for dark colored dogs, the Chicago Tribune Times reports.

Stratin’s bill would ban white dogs from being sold in the state, though on objection from House Republicans, Stratin did add a clause to the bill stating that all white dogs currently living in the Land of Lincoln among private owners could live out their normal life spans and escape being euthanized.

The bill also sets up a pet owner’s registry so that the state can track dog owners to make sure no new white dogs are brought into the state. And a waiting period of three days is set so that state inspectors can affirm that any new dog sold in the state has fur that is 50 percent or less white.

The bill sets up a new office of DoggyID and with inspector’s jobs offering a starting salary of $75,000 a year with full union benefits.

“It’s time that the brown and blacks puppies get much needed relief from this state,” Stratin said on the floor of the House on Thursday. “White dogs in shelters continue to be adopted at higher rates than the minority dogs and as a compassionate society we should move to even the playing field. It’s time to stop this gross white privilege!”

The bill will also fine pet owners $500 for a first time offense of buying a white dog and pet shops will be find $10,000 if they are found non-compliant with the new law.

Illinois Republican House Minority leader Jimmy Dunker praised the bill after successfully cutting its proposed budget from $10 million annually to only $4 million by raising fees for dog owner licenses.

“Illinois is a proud dog state and if we are to govern successfully we must reach not only into the Illinois House but the dog house,” Dunker proudly said.

The bill is headed to the Illinois Senate and will likely be approved by next Thursday. From there it will head to Governor Bruce Runner’s desk.

However, the bill has a murky future once it makes it to the governor. The state’s chief executive said that he will only sign the bill if the economic impact on licensing for pet shops is cut in half, something that isn’t likely in the Democrat-led government in Springfield. Continue reading

Illinois Democrat Sponsors Bill to Kill all White Puppies in State Because They Have White Privilege”

An Opened Letter from Actor Kiefer Sutherland: ‘Dear Hollywood, This is My Apology’

-By Warner Todd Huston

Recently an envelope was found on the sticky floor of a coffee house in Toronto, Ontario, Canada, and when opened it was discovered that a letter from actor Kiefer Sutherland was tucked inside. The letter appears to be an apology from the actor to his pals in Hollywood and we have the exclusive contents only right here.

Sutherland is in Toronto filming his latest political thriller TV series for ABC entitled, “Designated Survivor.”

The show features Sutherland as a lowly federal government cabinet member who is thrust into the presidency after the entire U.S. Capitol building is blown up during the president’s address to a joint session of Congress. Being chosen to stay away from the capitol as the nation’s designated survivor in case disaster strikes, Thomas Kirkman (Sutherland) suddenly finds his world forever changed.

The show follows Kirkman, a political novice and idealist, as he learns the ropes of being president on the job. The show also follows the investigation into those responsible for blowing up the capitol and killing 90% of Congress including the president and vice president, every cabinet member but Kirkman, the whole U.S. Supreme Court, and most of the nation’s Senators and Representatives.
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An Opened Letter from Actor Kiefer Sutherland: ‘Dear Hollywood, This is My Apology’”

Advance Preview of Obama’s ‘Terrorism’ Address: ‘America, We Must Become a Nation of Sheep Led to the ISIL Slaughter’

-By Warner Todd Huston

We here at have been fortunate enough to be afforded a sneak peek at Obama’s “terror” address that he will be giving today. Without further ado, the president of the United States:

My fellow Americans, tonight I felt it was important to come before you so that you could hear what I think about these horrible attacks my country has suffered these last few weeks.

Certainly I grieve for those who fell victim to the gun violence my country is embroiled in. I am heart broken by the loss the victims’ families feel and understand their pain. Sadly, with their lives filled with the pain caused by the Second Amendment of the U.S. Constitution, they have little room in their minds to help me advance my ideas. Tonight I hope to put an end to that.

Many un-American people who don’t understand who we are as a people want to continue this wretched gun culture that has made me embarrassed to visit other countries. To them I say “no more.” No more will I sit idly by and allow them their Second Amendment rights. No more will I allow my people to stand armed against my policies. No more will I let my countrymen to have the last, best chance to answer back to terrorists by being armed with needless, dangerous, assault guns.

My country is suffering an occupation of sorts worse than any ISIL terrorist invasion. Republicans who cannot accept that I won are certainly more dangerous than any ISIL terrorist, especially since my policies have completely contained ISIL to a small and dwindling part of Iraq and portions of Syria.
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Advance Preview of Obama’s ‘Terrorism’ Address: ‘America, We Must Become a Nation of Sheep Led to the ISIL Slaughter’”

Red Skelton’s Pledge Of Allegiance

-By Warner Todd Huston

This Independence Day holiday is an excellent time to revisit one of Red Skelton’s most endearing works: his recitation of the Pledge of Allegiance and what that pledge means.

Through the 40s, 50s, and 60s, Red Skelton was one of America’s most revered funny men. He was everywhere in movies and all across the early TV. Skelton may be little known by today’s newer generations, but he is someone we should never forget for his patriotism and clean humor.

He made quite a splash in 1969 with his personalized pledge of Allegiance.

You don’t get patriotic entertainment like this anymore…

In the words of Red Skelton:
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Red Skelton’s Pledge Of Allegiance”

In Strike Against Racism S.C. Gov. Nikki Haley Has Banned Cotton Balls in South Carolina

-By Warner Todd Huston

Fresh off her PR victory of calling for the end of Confederate history, this weekend South Carolina Gov. Nikki Haley called for the removal of cotton balls from the her state citing the long history of racism the product represents.

“Today we are here in a moment of unity in our state without ill will to say it is time to remove cotton balls from our state,” said the Republican Governor, the state’s first non-white governor, while flanked by a diverse group of South Carolina politicians.

“These balls, while an integral part of our past, do not represent the future of our great state,” Haley said. “We need to eliminate not just cotton balls, but all cotton products from our good state because of the racist history cotton has to a tiny, activist portion of our citizenry.”

Proponents said that lifting cotton balls from store shelves reminds African Americans too much of “pickin’ cotton,” and the constant reminder of tags in clothing that tell buyers that an item is made of cotton is racist.
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In Strike Against Racism S.C. Gov. Nikki Haley Has Banned Cotton Balls in South Carolina”

You HAVE to Watch Yahoo! Screen’s SciFi Comedy ‘Other Space’

-By Warner Todd Huston

Do you like those AT&T commercials featuring the two Internet techs Frank and Charlie–one a bearded fellow and the other a wiry young Indian-American lad. If you do it is probably because of the quirky humor of Charlie who is played by Karan Soni. Well, now you have a chance to see more of Soni’s work in a fantastic new webseries from Yahoo! Screen titled, Other Space.

The webseries was introduced last month and already has 8 episodes produced. You can see Other Space only at Yahoo! Screen. Even better it is free.

Soni stars as Stewart Lipinski, the captain of a UMP Cruiser star ship who, after being given his first command, promptly launches his ship into a crack in space that throws it into another galaxy. The humor from the show comes less from your normal sort of sitcom craziness and more from the flawed characters of the crew.

TV viewers will also be immediately familiar with one of the other characters in the series: Ship’s pilot Tina Shukshin played by actress Milana Vayntrub. Though she has quite a lot of screen credits, you’ll recognize Vayntrub most as “Lily Adams ” the AT&T girl in the recent series of commercials. In fact, all the actors on the show have successful TV careers. The web series also stars Neil Casey (as Kent Woolworth), Eugene Cordero (Michael Newman), Joel Hodgson (Zalian Fletcher), Bess Rous (Karen Lipinski), Art the ship’s robot vocalized by Mystery Science Theater 3,000’s Trace Beaulieu, and Conor Leslie (as Natasha, the Ship’s computer).
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You HAVE to Watch Yahoo! Screen’s SciFi Comedy ‘Other Space’”

It’s Time So Much of This ‘Free Speech’ is Shut Down for Inciting Violence

-By Warner Todd Huston

The First Amendment of the United States is one of the keystone principles in our founding, certainly. And it is about time that as a nation we put an end to its abuse. Not only does this key amendment give us free speech but it also assures freedom of the press, so it’s time for government to step in and stop people from abusing it.

Over the last two days we’ve seen such abuses of the First Amendment that should infuriate every true American. We have seen, for instance, a group in Texas holding an event that was meant as a means to incite Muslims to kill people. The Federal government should have stepped in to prevent this event.

After all, what happened when they held an event soliciting graven images of the Prophet Mohammad, peace be upon him? That’s right, good and true Muslims came out to kill the infidel, just as they are instructed to do by the Quran.

The simple fact is that these Muslims would not have taken up arms if not for this event.

The guardian of a free press and the First Amendment, Rukmini Callimachi of The New York Times, had it right when she Tweeted, “Free speech aside, why would anyone do something as provocative as hosting a ‘Muhammad drawing contest’?”

Callimachi is exactly right. Free speech must be put aside if it attacks the Prophet.
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It’s Time So Much of This ‘Free Speech’ is Shut Down for Inciting Violence”

HARASSMENT EXCLUSIVE: Ten Hours With Princess Leia Walking in NYC

Remember the whiny feminists who last week were all up in arms about the staged video of a woman walking in New York City supposedly being harassed by every man who she passed?

Well, from a galaxy far, far away, Princess Leia warped down into New York City to see what would happen if she walked down the street.

This shocking video is what happened to that poor, poor princess…

Yes, this is proof that no self-respecting Star Wars princess should ever visit New York City!

For SHAME Boba Fett!
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HARASSMENT EXCLUSIVE: Ten Hours With Princess Leia Walking in NYC”

Pentagon Has ‘Everything Must Go Sale’–We Want YOUR Town to have a FREE TANK!

If your town has a Strawberry Festival… YOU NEED A TANK!

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Pentagon Has ‘Everything Must Go Sale’–We Want YOUR Town to have a FREE TANK!”

The Capt. Picard Face Palm in Type Code…

Hadn’t seen this before….

• . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . ,.-‘”. . . . . . . . . .“~.,
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,,_. . . . . }.>-._\. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .|. . . . . . ..`=~-,
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. . . . . . . . . .`=~-,,.\,. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .\
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. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .`=-,. . . . . . . . . .,%`>–

Pretty inventive.

Man Buys Every Burger King Pie to Get Even With Mom and Her Out of Control Brat

-By Warner Todd Huston

On the lighter side for a Sunday… How many times have you been in a store and been annoyed by a parent refusing to control their wild, screaming, out of control child? Well one man got even for us all at a Burger King recently and how he did it is pretty funny.

A man was waiting in a long line at Burger King to order his lunch. A woman with a brat of a child walks up behind him in line. The kid is screaming, running, cursing that “I want a fu**ing pie,” kicking people and other wise acting like a monster.

The man asks the woman to control her brat. She tells him to “f” off. She intends to get her brat a pie and that is that.

So this is what he did
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Man Buys Every Burger King Pie to Get Even With Mom and Her Out of Control Brat”

Jimmy Kimmel Reminds Youth They Are Paying for Old Folks’ Expensive Obamacare Insurance

-By Warner Todd Huston

ABC’s late night comedian Jimmy Kimmel did an hilarious job slamming Obamacare and pointing out to young people that under Obamacare they are the ones stuck paying for the expensive healthcare needed by the elderly with a spoof “commercial” about the President’s disastrous healthcare policy (See video above).

You see, the way Obamacare is supposed to work is that millions of young people who are healthy and don’t need to use health insurance are supposed to buy it anyway so that the premium money they are paying into the system can be given to the elderly who need coverage now. It really is little else but a giant pyramid scheme.
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Jimmy Kimmel Reminds Youth They Are Paying for Old Folks’ Expensive Obamacare Insurance”

‘Enlisted’: Spoofs Amputees, Combat, and ‘Rear D’ Soldiers

-By Warner Todd Huston

Most reviewers of the new Fox 1/2 hour Army sitcom, Enlisted, felt the show was affecting, even sweet. While that isn’t far off the mark, it is nonetheless a bit hard to feel that making fun of our armed forces is a good idea when so many of them are still facing combat overseas.

Enlisted starts off with super solder Sgt. Pete Hill (7th Heaven star Geoff Stults) who is forced to leave the front lines in Afghanistan because he punched a Colonel who refused to send him support during a fire fight.
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‘Enlisted’: Spoofs Amputees, Combat, and ‘Rear D’ Soldiers”

The Dumbest Criminals of 2013

-By Warner Todd Huston

The year’s end always brings those wonderful “lists” of things, but here is one to help you bring in the new year and end the old one with a laugh for herein lies some of the dumbest criminals of the year 2013.

***Also see The Dumbest Criminals of 2013***

Let us start with the winner of the award for the “Dumbest Criminal for 2013,” then we’ll list the runners up.

Winner of the Dumbest Criminal Award for 2013 Goes To…

This year’s winner is one Derrick Mosley, an Einstein of the underworld, to be sure.

In August, Texan Derrick Mosley earned himself the top spot on this year’s Dumbest list for imagining it was a good idea to rob a gun store… armed with a baseball bat.

Naturally, as soon as this dunderhead walked into the gun store and demanded money and guns, the store clerk just drew his own pistol and ordered the fool to the floor to await police. Mosley was right there on the floor when the cops arrived, too.

Mosley was arrested on charges of first-degree robbery, first-degree theft, unlawful possession of a firearm and second-degree criminal mischief. Bail was set at $250,000.

But the brilliant Mr. Mosley wasn’t the only wizard of crime for 2013. Following are some of the bat-wielding Mosley’s competitors for the top spot.
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The Dumbest Criminals of 2013″

Obama RIPs the American Family

-By Warner Todd Huston

As the nation continues to struggle economically and many American families are struggling to feed themselves in this jobless environment, Barack Obama is urging Congress to new and energetic intervention with a new law he is proposing that is intended to fix the failing American nuclear family unit.

Senate Democrat leader Harry Reid has signed onto Obama’s new idea and is now pushing the Reinvesting Individual People Act, or the RIP Act, through the Senate. Every Democrat has pledged to vote yes on the bill while the obstructionist Republicans–except for John McCain–are saying they will oppose the bill.

In a press conference from the White House, President Obama announced the new idea that he says will make families fair. Because some families are big and others small, Obama says, it is not fair as the small families are getting off too cheap in this tough economy.

“Smaller families have a smaller economic and environmental footprint,” Obama said on Friday evening. “Therefore, we intend to offer a helping hand to Americans with the Reinvesting Individual People Act.”

This new law will mandate that all families be of equal size. Every family will be made of three people and never any more than that.
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Obama RIPs the American Family”

SNL’s Hilarious Slam: Obama Anti-Depressant Pill Ad

-By Warner Todd Huston

Saturday Night Live is pretty late to the game of ridiculing President Obama, to be sure, but this anti-depressant drug spoof slamming Obama is pretty well done.

In the skit we see a depressed President Obama in black and white moping around the White House beset by second term blues.

Hilariously, early in the ad the voice over says, “It feels like even your friends have turned against you.” That is followed by video of Bill Clinton (the real one, not an SNL actor) slamming Obama for lying about Americans being able to keep their health insurance and doctors if they like them.

The ad introduced “Paxil,” a drug that will help Obama forget all about Benghazi, the IRS scandal, NSA spying on Americans, the AP scandal, Obamacare, and more (like he needs help forgetting those, he perpetually forgets about his scandals).
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SNL’s Hilarious Slam: Obama Anti-Depressant Pill Ad”

Jay Leno Slams Obama’s Feckless Syria Policy

-By Warner Todd Huston

Jay Leno has been hitting Obama more and more as he winds down his hosting of NBC’s The Tonight Show, and on the day Obama delivered his speech on Syria, Leno smacked the President on that very issue.

Leno let loose a cascade of jokes showing how foolish and feckless Obama, Secretary of State John Kerry, and the suddenly invisible VP Joe Biden has been on Syria, even working in a new “birther” joke into the mix.

Leno began by turning a remark on the weather into a slam on Obama’s Syria policy. “You can tell fall is coming to the east,” Leno said. “The leaves are changing faster than the White House position on Syria. It’s unbelievable.”

Then Leno slammed Secretary of State John Kerry joking that he “has given Syria one week to hand over its chemical weapons. And if they don’t, he’ll give them another week. So that’s kind of where we are right now.”

Leno wrapped up his series of Syria jokes with two more saying that one good thing has come out of Syria: Joe Biden has stopped talking. And then said that foreign countries are not so happy with Obama these days. In fact…

“President Obama’s foreign policy is taking a beating, especially abroad,” Leno jabbed. “They’re not as excited about him as they used to be. In fact, people in Kenya are saying, ‘We’re positive he wasn’t born here.”

It is interesting to see Jay Leno slamming the President more every night, isn’t it?
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Jay Leno Slams Obama’s Feckless Syria Policy”

Obama’s Maya Shankar, A 20-Something Hottie That Thinks She Knows How You Should Lead Your Life

-By Warner Todd Huston

What does a hottie in her late 20s who spent most of her life trying to be a violin virtuoso know about anything? Apparently everything as she has been put in charge of Obama’s “nudge squad” and will henceforth be telling you how to lead your life.

Watch out Michelle, here comes Maya Shankar to do some nudgin’

Maya Shankar has been appointed as chief nudge in Obama’s new “behavioral insights team,” another tax-wasting group whose task will be to figure out cunning ways to push Americans into doing what Obama and his big government playmates want them to do.

And dreams can come true if you are a violinist attending Yale. As it happens, Shankar was pronounced one of the Glamour magazine’s 2006 “top ten college women” and back then in the old days had gushed that her dream job would be to serve as one of Obama’s top science advisors.

But what does one do when one washes out of violin prodigy-ness? Why fulfill that standby dream by joining the Obama administration, of course.

So, viola… I mean voila… the little cutie shipped off to Washington to become the cutest little nudge you ever did see. And, as precious as it is, she’s already issued her first o-fish-i-al memo about her new multi-trillion dollar agency–because all federal agencies cost us trillions at this point, I’m pretty sure.
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Obama’s Maya Shankar, A 20-Something Hottie That Thinks She Knows How You Should Lead Your Life”