Humor

Democrats/Leftists - Humor - Liberals - Taxes - Tea Party - Warner Todd Huston

What Does Tea Party and Coffee Party Mean, Anyway?

April 20, 2010 by 1 Comment

-By Warner Todd Huston

All true Americans know what “Tea Party” means. It is “T”axed “E”nough “A”lready, we all know. But what does Coffee Party mean. Is there an acronym for the “Coffee Party”?

Well, of course there is. And here you go:

Communists
Operating
False
Front for
Economic
Entropy

Yep, that about says it. A false front used to try and destroy the economy. This thing IS run out of the Obama campaign, anyway, since it was created by Obama operative Annabel Park.
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What Does Tea Party and Coffee Party Mean, Anyway?”

Humor - Warner Todd Huston

Breaking News: Guam Tips Over, Chinese Island On Other Side

April 5, 2010 by 1 Comment

Earlier in the week American Media outlets lambasted Georgia Representative Hank Johnson for his concern over the safety of the inhabitants of the U.S. Protectorate of Guam. Johnson feared that the Island would tip over if the U.S. Army sent too many troops to her shores.

Over Easter weekend, the U.S. Army sent one too many soldier to the Island causing Johnson’s most feared catastrophe to occur.

Guam did, indeed, tip over. But after the seismic activity settled it was discovered that a Chinese Island and its inhabitants was situated on the other side of Guam.

China is now asserting sovereignty and naming the Island East Taiwan. In a surprise visit, President Obama went to the Chinese leaders, bowed deeply, and promised to apologize for America’s evil actions.

In a statement, Representative Johnson said, “I warned you!”

Barack Obama - Books - Entertainment - Hollywood - Liberals - Movies - Warner Todd Huston

Obama Press Sec. Gibbs’ Challenging Reading Material: a Star Wars Pop-Up Book

March 28, 2010 by

-By Warner Todd Huston

Descending from Air Force One, Obama Press Secretary Robert Gibbs clutches his latest choice of reading material, the “Star Wars Pop-Up Guide.”

The captions write themselves, don’t you think?

We know the book was a gift from the president for Gibbs’ son, Ethan, of course. But the photo is just too delicious and the thoughts it brings to mind are many and varied.

From the low-grade, comic book choice of reading material revealing the “depth” of Robert Gibbs’ mind, to the idea of Obama as evil Emperor trying to create an evil empire, the allusions between the pop culture, bubble gum reading and the Obama administration are just too hard to pass up.

Let your mind wander through all the amusing possibilities, won’t you?
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Obama Press Sec. Gibbs’ Challenging Reading Material: a Star Wars Pop-Up Book”

Health - Humor - Warner Todd Huston

Mother’s Butt Caulker Gets Nailed

March 8, 2010 by 3 Comments

-By Warner Todd Huston

New Jersey officials said a quack “doctor” from the Dominican Republic was caught perpetrating what he was telling immigrant women was a surgical enhancement of their rear-ends this week.

The criminal was injecting household caulk into these women’s rear-ends, telling them that the procedure would make them more alluring to men so that they could get a mate and have many children.

Six women were hospitalized.

You may ask why I am reporting this story? Is it proof of a great failure of the Democratic Party? Is it an example of the end of our civilization? How about evidence of the further degradation of our society and economy? No to all of these.

This story is here merely to give me a chance to say, “Mother’s Butt Caulker Gets Nailed.”

I mean, we don’t want this story to slip through the cracks, you know? This quack doc is a rear and present danger. Talk about “junk in the trunk.” Let’s hope if this guy is released he doesn’t do any back sliding.

Thank you

That is all
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Mother’s Butt Caulker Gets Nailed”

Humor - Warner Todd Huston

And Anudder thing… Charge that Whale With Murder!

February 25, 2010 by

-By Warner Todd Huston>

Some random observations…

  • If animals are “just like people,” as the far left keeps telling us, should we charge that killer whale in Florida with murder?
     

  • A “Professor” says that Globaloney deniers are “close-minded.” Idiot, the word coupling is CLOSED-minded, not close-minded. Grammar, Sir, Grammar! Of course, it could have been the idiots at NPR doing a bad transcription of the Prof’s comments, too. Wither way we have some bunch of idiots here.
     

  • The Left is like a defective Toyota with its accelerator stuck in KILLKILLKILL mode.
     

  • I am increasingly becoming afraid that the GOP is going to be fooled into a Romney 2012 candidacy! But WHICH Romeny will run…. or will we get another, new Romney just specially for 2012??
     

  • Every time I write a story about bad journalism, I invariably get at least one comment that is confused enough to think that “Warner Todd Huston” is the journalist that muffed the story instead that it’s ME, the guy writing the story ABOUT the journalist that muffed the story! Reading comprehension is in short supply out there sometimes!
     

  • Why do half-wit libs write me 50 paragraph emails telling me how much they hate me? Do they expect me to actually READ all that?

Thank you, that is all.

Anti-Americanism - Barack Obama - Humor - Liberals - President - Warner Todd Huston

Exclusive Interview: Chief of Obama’s TelePrompter Advance Team

January 27, 2010 by

-By Warner Todd Huston

I was excited to be able to snag an interview with the head man — or rather woman — in President Obama’s TelePrompter crew, Ima Prizenteur. Her official title is Special Assistant to the President for Elocutionary Support but her crew is best known as the Spiel Team. It is Ima’s responsibility to set up the ubiquitous dual TelePrompters at every venue at which the president is to speak.

I spoke to her by phone from Washington D.C.

WTH: Hi Ima, great to talk to you.

Ima: Thanks, Warner.

WTH: So, what is it like being the one in charge of Obama’s voice?

Ima: It really is exciting. I never thought when I was going through prep school that I’d be flying all over the world working for the president of the United States.
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Exclusive Interview: Chief of Obama’s TelePrompter Advance Team”

Chicago - Cook County - Humor - Illinois

Is New 24 Co-Star Really Chicago’s Mancow Muller?

January 18, 2010 by

-By Warner Todd Huston

Wow, not only is WLS radio personality Mancow Muller hard at work on the radio in Chicago, but he’s also apparently working on the new season of Kiefer Sutherland’s 24!

Take a look…

 

To the left is radio guy Muller, to the right is what the TV show 24 claims is actor Anil Kapoor who is staring as Middle Eastern leader Omar Hassan.

Has anyone ever seen Muller and Kapoor in a room at the same time? Hmmmmm. HAVE they? Weeeelllll?

Anti-Americanism - Europe - Humor - Society/Culture - Warner Todd Huston - Western Civilization

Europe is Our (Insert Female Pejorative Here)

November 18, 2009 by

-By Warner Todd Huston

**And now a word from my inner swaggerer…

Europe is a chick’s name. That’s right, you heard me. The word Europa from which Europe is derived is of feminine gender in origin. In Greek mythology Europa was a Phoenician princess abducted by Zeus. Zeus disguised himself as a bull to pull off the caper.

So, what do we have? Let’s review: Europe is a defenseless but pretty chick fooled by a bunch of bull and ravaged by a God.

Yep. Sounds about right.

Now what about America? How chikified is our name? Well, not much.

As it happens America is named after Amerigo Vespucci, a cartographer and explorer from the mid 1400s who was one of the first westerners to map the coast of the Americas. He was a man, baby.

A man’s man, an explorer, a man of means (well, early in his life, anyway), a sailor. A real tough guy. And even if that isn’t true, at least a person with a swinging anchor and some ballast which is more than we can say for the weeping, cringing Europa.

And since the naming, our two continents have certainly lived up to the theme. Europe, constantly ravaged, always weeping, forever moaning about being nice to folks, and never strong enough to stand on its own for long has been as weak and feckless as can be imagined..

On the other hand America has been the jewel of the world. America was born of the woman but strode forward in confident, self-possessed strides leaving mommy behind sniffling and waving her handkerchief to her successful son and warning him not to forget to write or at least leave a text message. America has spawned riches uncountable with its toils and with the United States at its head has become the world’s father and policeman. It’s a manly nation to say the least.

So, what’s in a name, William old sod? Nothing less than the expression of character (or weakness thereof). We Americans stand astride the world in manliness while Europe swoons by our side in supplication… and nagging, nagging, nagging like the gnarled old hag she has become. Even Zeus would be tired of her by now.

Yep. Europe is our bi_ _h.

Take that you Euroweenies!

So, go on. Call me a cowboy. But whose twirling rope are you Euroweenies gonna reach for when you’ve let the Islamofascists take over your lands? Whose six-shooters will come in handy when the Chinese are blowing you away? Which man in the white hat are ya gonna call on when you suddenly find yourself surrounded by hostiles on all sides? If’n yer lucky, pardner, we might jess lope on by and help ya out. Ya never know. Give us a whistle and see.

… OK, I feel better. And now back to the news.

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Europe is Our (Insert Female Pejorative Here)”

Anti-Americanism - Democrats/Leftists - Entertainment - Hollywood - Humor - Liberals - Movies - Society/Culture - Warner Todd Huston

New Hollywood Movie Says Islam Destroyed by 2012!

November 13, 2009 by

-By Warner Todd Huston

Roland Emmerich’s new end-of-the-world disaster film 2012 has a rollicking good time destroying every monument to man’s architectural genius in the world. The Sistine Chapel goes kablooie, as does the Vatican and the giant Christ the Redeemer statue in Rio de Janeiro. The White House gets flattened, too. All man’s most well known landmarks get turned to dust by Emmerich’s over-the-top movie effects team.

But by the time the year 2012 rolls around, director Roland Emmerich is obviously saying that Islam has already been wiped off the face of the Earth before the end came. There are no Saudi scenes of mayhem and destruction in his film. No Iranian landmarks get caved in, no destruction of Mecca and Medina are shown in Emmerich’s mashup masterpiece.

One can only conclude that Roland Emmerich has decided that Islam has been whipped out by an enraged western civilization before the year 2012. Emmerich is obviously saying that all Muslims have been put to death and all Muslim holy sites will have been erased from the earth long before 2012 comes to end all of civilization.
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New Hollywood Movie Says Islam Destroyed by 2012!”

Blogging - Business - Censorship - Computers - Humor - Inernet - Liberals - Technology - Warner Todd Huston

Apple App Store Says Mad Magazine Artist too Mean for Approval

November 10, 2009 by

-By Warner Todd Huston

I always knew that Mad Magazine was filled with ner-do-wells that will rot your brain and turn you into a big meanie. My teachers in school all told me so… and they were teachers so they must’ve been right. Now the Apple iPhone App store has finally seen the light of reason on this truism, too. Well, if the App Store didn’t deny Mad Magazine exactly, it did lower they kabosh on one of its nasty, mean-spirited artists, Tom Richmond, by denying his iPhone App registration. Serves him right, the troublemaker.

The good name of Apple computers will not be sullied by the rottenness, and all around anarchy of this no-account, Richmond, that’s for sure. And to assure that Apple will always stand for truth, justice and the American way, Richmond’s crummy little iPhone App has been denied. Take that forces of un-Americanness!

So, what was Richmond’s apostasy, you might wonder? Well, last year cartoonist Tom Richmond was asked to help with the graphic display of a proposed iPhone App that would connect the user with information on their representatives in Congress. It was to monstrously be titled the “Bobble Rep” App. The idea is that you’d key in the name of a congressman into your iPhone and his contact info would pop up on the screen. You’d get a little cartoon illustration of the congressman, his phone number, address and website.

“And,” You might ask? “So blinking what,” you might blurt out? Well, any casual look at these ultra mean, highly objectionable cartoons depicting a few of those well-born and delicate members of Congress will disabuse you of the notion that this iPhone App is anything but born of the devil.

Behold more of the blasphemy:
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Apple App Store Says Mad Magazine Artist too Mean for Approval”

Congress - Democrats/Leftists - House of Representatives - Humor - Society/Culture - Warner Todd Huston

Newspaper Story Reveals Pelosi’s Life Struggle

October 18, 2009 by 5 Comments

After all this time, I was not aware of the hurdles that Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi (D, CA) has overcome to get where she is. But after seeing this story on the website of KING, Channel 5 news I have to say that I am taken aback by Mrs. Pelosi’s brave fight against her disability.

We can all applaud the Speaker for overcoming this severe disability. So, kudos to you Speaker Pelosi.

Anti-Americanism - Congress - Democrats/Leftists - Freedom - Humor - Liberals - Security/Safety - Society/Culture - Warner Todd Huston

Democrats Sponsor the DRINK Act

August 16, 2009 by 1 Comment

-By Warner Todd Huston

America needs to come together in this time of mean-spirited, backroom organizing. Yes, in this age of never before seen racism, in this age of the Nazi-like machinations of the un-American protester, we need to come together in a spirit of healthy debate where only the good is heard.

Our national ruler, The One, Barack Hussein Obama, the bringer of togetherness, the whumper of myths, the champion of the people over the powerful, has graciously come before us numerous times to plead for the light to be shown upon the evilness of Republicanism. And he is good.

So, in the spirit of our ruler, we the Democratic Party of the United States, have designed a new program to bring America into a new era. It is called the DRINK act.

Please, help us pass the Democratic Renewal by Ingesting Nutritious Koolaide act by contacting your regional controllers and “representatives” and let them know that you are 100% for the Koolaide!

President Obama has generously allocated $20 billion borrowed from his friends in China to distribute the government approved Koolaide packets so that all Americans* might come to see the light. The red, cherry flavored hallucinogen is FDA approved and good for Mom, the kids and grandma.

Once Americans ingest their government approved soft drink, all their cares will melt away. They will no longer be all upset by Republican lies about over spending, taxes, and government “tyranny.” There will be no worries any more. The people will find that everything is wonderful for the first time ever and will be content that the Democratic Party is there to support them.

Remember to tell your Congressmen that YOU want to DRINK the Koolaide!

*The Legislative, Judicial and Executive branches of government are exempt from the requirement to ingest any substance recommended to the people. State officials may determine that state employees are not eligible for this program. Military personnel are not exempted from the DRINK act, however, and will be injected with a concentrated substance upon passage of the DRINK act.
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Democrats Sponsor the DRINK Act”

Barack Obama - Congress - Democrats/Leftists - Economy/Finances - Humor - Journalism - Liberals - Media Bias - Warner Todd Huston

Obama Killed Singer Michael Jackson (this one is for Piker)

June 27, 2009 by 6 Comments

One of the most disastrous pieces of legislation in decades, one that will be as ruinous as Smoot-Hawley, came before the House of Representatives on Friday, June 26. This bill will further destroy the economy, wipe out jobs all across the country, and is based on what more and more people understand as the pseudo science of global warming, or globaloney as I like to call it. This piece of garbage is as bad as they come. It’s called the cap and trade bill.

A similar bill like this one has been in play in Australia and it is so bad for their economy, Australia is set to repeal it. Ditto for New Zealand, who’ve suspended it.

Yet the idiots in the House of Representatives, with the traitorous “yes” vote of some 8 quisling Republicans have actually been stupid enough to pass the same sort of nonsense that is proving such a farce everywhere else.

So, what does that have to do with Michael Jackson, pedophile and boy singer? And what did Obama have to do with it?

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Obama Killed Singer Michael Jackson (this one is for Piker)”

Anti-Americanism - Barack Obama - Democrats/Leftists - Humor - Liberals - Media Bias - President - Society/Culture - Warner Todd Huston

Obama: Undoing This Mess Left for Me

May 22, 2009 by

-By Warner Todd Huston

Transcript of President Barack Obama’s Press Conference:

Thanks for coming and I hope that being in my presence is enough reward for you in the press that have come to pay homage. Now, let me stand just here so that you can get some nice photos of me with my head framed by the presidential seal on the wall… there ya go. OK take your photos now. Good. See how the seal looks like a halo around my anointed head? Excellent. Good work fellas. Oh, and you honey’s too, can’t forget the ladies.

Well, let’s get started…

I know these are hard times we face today. As I sat in the movie theater of my house here in the Nation’s Capitol watching the latest Star Trek movie, I couldn’t escape from thinking about these tough times in which we live. Not even my Kobe beef dinner and cocktails could shake me from my reverie on these hard times. We all must engage in a shared sacrifice firmly shouldering the burden of this mess left for me from the previous administration.

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Obama: Undoing This Mess Left for Me”

Barack Obama - Democrats/Leftists - Humor - Liberals - Warner Todd Huston

New Mental Disease Identified

May 10, 2009 by 1 Comment

-By Warner Todd Huston

Press Release

The American Psychologist Association (APA) has identified a new, debilitative mental disorder today in hopes that patients will seek help. The new syndrome, Iconographic Desire Influenced by Obama’s Terrificness Syndrome (or IDIOT Syndrome), has been identified in at least one case in Cincinnati, Ohio.

This mental disease manifests itself in an acute desire to collect photos, bobble head figures, coffee cups, T-Shirts and other items emblazoned with the iconic, religious figure of Barack Obama or the spiffy red and blue “O” logo developed for his permanent campaign.

The disorder can cause psychotic breakdowns, violent behavior, disregard for personal responsibility, sudden disdain for friends but an unhealthy need to be loved by enemies, instant arrogance or undeserved self-esteem, TelePrompter dependence, and flights of fantasy.

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New Mental Disease Identified”

Barack Obama - Humor - Media Bias - Warner Todd Huston

Old Media’s Shoddy Work

March 23, 2009 by

-By Warner Todd Huston

This is just a small example of the shoddy work seen in the Old Media, but the Chicago Tribune uncorked an amusing bit of sloppy writing today in a story about Obama’s White House looking to change the way coffee and water is served there.

After regaling us about new coffee cups Obama’s administration wants to buy, the Bush cups not being sufficient, Sarah Gantz writing for the Trib unleashes this one (my bold):

The cold-drink equivalent of coffee at White House meetings has traditionally been bottled water. But the practice of distributing individual bottles is being phased out for a less wasteful method of water consumption.

“We’re also taking steps to minimize the use of plastic bottles,” Glunz said, by replacing the plastic with pitchers and cups.

Traditionally been bottled water? What “tradition” are we talking about? The practice of one president, and just the last one at that?

Naturally we all remember when Abe Lincoln tried to get rid of the plastic water bottles. The whole establishment was in an uproar. After all, George Washington himself started that tradition of drinking water in plastic bottles.

“Traditionally,” indeed.