Humor

Crime - Democrats/Leftists - Entertainment - Ethics - Hollywood - Humor - Liberals - Media - Media Bias - Movies - MSNBC - Progressives - War On Drugs - Warner Todd Huston

Separated at Birth: Rachel Maddow and Convicted Criminal Cameron Douglas

September 29, 2012 by

-By Warner Todd Huston

For a little Saturday fun, were these two people separated at birth?

Check out these photos of Cameron Douglas and Rachel Maddow and you decide.

Douglas is the convicted criminal son of actor Michael Douglas and grandson of famed actor Kirk Douglas. In 2010, Douglas was convicted of possession of drugs and sent to prison for a five year sentence.

Maddow is the host of MSNBC’s The Rachel Maddow Show.


Convicted criminal Cameron Douglas


MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow

Both are sick in the head, anyway.
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Separated at Birth: Rachel Maddow and Convicted Criminal Cameron Douglas”

Australia - Humor - Warner Todd Huston

An Illuminating Interview With Australia’s Bill Shorten

April 30, 2012 by

This is a real interview. I have to say John Clarke and Bryan Dawe couldn’t have written anything funnier.

Bill Shorten is Australia’s Minister for Employment and Workplace Relations, and Minister for Financial Services and Superannuation.

While this was a real interview, here is the Aussie team of Clarke and Dawe, a comedy duo that did fantastic work making fun of oblivious government officials and the like in absurd interviews.

(H/T for Shorten interview The Spectator, and HotAir)

Blogging - Computers - Humor - Inernet - Warner Todd Huston

Americans with Disabilities Act Necessity: Conservative, White, Male Bloggers NEED a Federal Subsidy

March 10, 2012 by

-By Warner Todd Huston

OK, you people, I am sick and tied of this. The Americans with Disabilities Act is NOT being fairly applied. That’s right. You read that headline correctly. Conservative, white, male bloggers NEED a hand from Washington. In fact, I’d say we have a right to it. We are being discriminated against even from those on our own side. It’s time for redress. I DEMAND a handout.

For years I’ve been wondering why the heck few of us white, male, bloggers ever make it big. Why aren’t there ever any white, male, conservative bloggers on TV or radio? Ever wondered that? There aren’t any. Think about it. How many can you think of? I can think of but one.

Oh, there are plenty of conservative Internet sensations that have made it big, mind you. There’s Mary Katherine Ham. Hot chick. There’s Michelle Malkin. Hot Chick and a minority to boot. There’s S.E.Cupp, no lacking the hotness there. There’s all the women from Smart Girl Politics, more hot chicks than I can shake a box of Viagra at (I did not get this from an online Canadian pharmacy. Really). Em Zanotti, Elizabeth Crum, Liz Mair, Pam Geller, Lila Rose, Susannah Fleetwood, Tina Korbe, Dana Loesch, Bettina Inclan — they are almost all married, or soon to be (good luck Bettina) so back off you slobs. Still hotness overload, already.

It isn’t just hot chicks, either.

There’s ZO!, AlfonZo Rachel. Despite being named “Rachel,” not a hot chick, but a black conservative guy. Then there is Kevin Jackson of The Black Sphere, another black conservative. Bob Parks of Black and Right — yep, black guy. Lloyd Marcus, ditto. La Shawn Barber, black female conservative. Star Parker also a female, black conservative. Many more, too. Joe Biden told me these are all clean and articulate bloggers.

As a side note, this whole minorities being conservative thing really chaps my hide. I mean, the left tells me that only white men should be conservative and all these minorities… well it’s just too much competition going on. Could it be that the left doesn’t know what they are talking about? I’m dubious.
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Americans with Disabilities Act Necessity: Conservative, White, Male Bloggers NEED a Federal Subsidy”

Anti-Americanism - Anti-Semitism - Barack Obama - Democrats/Leftists - Government - Humor - Israel - Liberals - Palestinians - President - Warner Todd Huston

Hey Obama, Let’s Go Back to Pre-1958 Borders, Too…

May 31, 2011 by

From the mail bag:

Dear President Obama:

I am writing today with a somewhat unusual request. First and foremost, I am asking that you return America to its August 20th, 1959 borders so that Hawaii is no longer a state and you are no longer a citizen.

Signed:
Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu

(H/T my friend at Blue Collar Muse)

Democrats/Leftists - Ethics - Government - Humor - Warner Todd Huston

Voting Democrat is Wholly Illogical Based Only on Childish Feelings

April 9, 2011 by

-By Warner Todd Huston

This is one of those chain emails that I rarely bother with. But this one is particularly funny and bitingly true. Well, true after I rewrote it a bit…

Why I Vote Democrat

  • I voted Democrat because I believe a 4% profit by oil companies on a gallon of gas is obscene, but the government taxing the same gallon of gas at 15% (or more) isn’t.
  • I voted Democrat because I believe the government will do a better job of spending my money than I can.
  • I voted Democrat because because Freedom of Speech is fine as long as nobody is offended by it. And if I can stop those other people from saying those things then let’s write a law or something.
  • I voted Democrat because because I’m way too irresponsible to own a gun and I know that my local police are all I need to protect me from murderers and thieves who strike without notice.
  • I voted Democrat because I believe that people who can’t tell us if it will rain on Friday can tell us that the polar ice caps will melt away in ten years if I don’t start driving a Prius, buy Carbon Credits, or do without modern comforts.
  • I voted Democrat because I’m not concerned about millions of babies being aborted so long as we keep all murderers on death row alive.
  • I voted Democrat because I think illegal aliens have a right to free health care, education, and Social Security benefits at my expense.
  • I voted Democrat because I believe that business should not be allowed to make a profit. They need to break even and give the rest away to the government for redistribution as we Democrats see fit.
  • I voted Democrat because I believe liberal judges need to rewrite the Constitution every few weeks to suit some fringe kooks who would never get their agendas past the voters otherwise.
  • I voted Democrat because I think that it’s better to pay billions to get oil from people who hate us, but not drill for our own because it might upset some endangered beetle or a gopher or something.
  • I voted Democrat because I am sick and tired of all the mean-spirited rhetoric in politics. And if you don’t like that, you are a racist, homophobe that wants to kill old people and children… oh, and you’re a Nazi.
  • I voted Democrat because while we live in the greatest, most wonderful country in the world, I want to change it all with that promised “HOPE AND CHANGE.”
  • I voted Democrat because the United States has been the most evil influence on the world and we need to take her arrogance down a notch. After all, we are worse than terrorists, our school teachers told us so!
  • But most of all I voted Democrat because it makes me better than YOU just because…. well, just because it makes me feeeeeel good.

I was reminded of this one by Texas Fred who has a great blog. See it at: http://texasfred.net/
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Voting Democrat is Wholly Illogical Based Only on Childish Feelings”

Chicago - Warner Todd Huston

Chicago News Bench Had a Banner Year!!

December 31, 2010 by

Tom Mannis of Chicago News Bench gave me a shout letting me know that he made a video of all the banner he’s made to top his blog, Chicago News Bench.

Them thar is a buncha banners!

By the way, be sure and scroll down to get a look at all the links to the great Illinois blogs and such under the Illini Alliance icon to the left of your screen. There are some fantastic blogs and websites listed there, Chicago News Bench being one of them.

Conservatives - Democrats/Leftists - Government - Humor - Liberals - Media - Media Bias - PCism - Society/Culture - Warner Todd Huston - Western Civilization

Welcome to ‘Smug-A-Palooza’: a Fake Rally for the Arrogant

October 31, 2010 by

-By Warner Todd Huston

Think you’re smarter than everyone else? Think you are more “civilized,” more “adult,” and more “informed” than all around you? Then your arrogance makes you a perfect contestant for the Comedy Central Shark-Jumping event with the two… well, I guess you call them “comedians”… Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert.

They think quite a bit about themselves, don’t they?

The newest estimate of the crowd size was around 200,000. That is a good, large number to be sure. But it is still far, far less than Beck drew and it must be pointed out that with these “comedy” guys they had to get two of them together to get that numbers.

Me, I’ve always felt sorry for the “tragically hip” folks out there like those that fall for Stewart and Colbert. They are such mindless conformists.

Here is the best quote I’ve seen on this national disgrace that was the Stewart/Colbert rally:

You want some media criticism? Try this: Think how much better informed we would be as a nation about the monumental election in two days if members of the press had spent half the time reporting and writing about the issues and candidates instead Stewart, Colbert and their exercise in ego on the mall — their effort to prove they can draw as big an audience as Beck.

What an apt description and a sentient observation!

This was by the Baltimore Sun’s TV critic David Zurawik, a guy I usually disagree with.

Crime - Florida - Humor - Warner Todd Huston

Thieves Make Boobs of Victoria Secrets, No Bust Yet

October 2, 2010 by

-By Warner Todd Huston

A cup-le of thieves made boobs of the security at Victoria Secrets in Ocala, Florida last week. Early in the week 101 tank tops were stolen and later bras worth $2,000 were lifted and separated from the store chain.

Apparently the thefts were bracing enough to get the ogling of the media as the Star Banner sent top drawer reporter Austin Miller to cover the points.

It appears that a pair of boosters distracted the store clerks while a third manhandled the bras and made off with them.

Store workers were upset at the ta tas waved to their merchandise but thieves were not too busted up over the prospect.

I’ll try to keep abreast of story details as they develop.
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Thieves Make Boobs of Victoria Secrets, No Bust Yet”

Budget - Congress - Democrats/Leftists - Economy/Finances - Elections - Free Trade - Government - Humor - Liberals - Taxes - Warner Todd Huston

Congress Secretly Behind Massive Egg Recall

August 24, 2010 by

-By Warner Todd Huston

The news is everywhere of the U.S. Food and Drug Administration’s recall of millions of eggs from several Midwestern farms allegedly due to fears of a salmonella outbreak but the real story is undergoing a massive coverup.

The truth is that Congressional Democrats are behind this recall. In a secret document discovered by famed blogger Dabney Schoosel, a joint order by Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi and Democrat Senate Majority leader Harry Reid was issued to the USDA to initiate the recall for “political reasons.”

The order directs the USDA to begin a massive egg recall that will eventually recall all eggs in the country. The reason for this recall is to prevent eggs being thrown at Democrats who have returned home across the country to begin holding townhall meetings just ahead of the upcoming midterm elections.

However, in a late development, it has been discovered that this order has been rescinded after the USDA made its early recalls. The Democrat majority has since changed its political policy on returning Democrat’s townhall plans. Democrats have just canceled them all instead.

Check out this secret video of a Democratic Congressmen’s planning meeting…

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Congress Secretly Behind Massive Egg Recall”

Humor - Warner Todd Huston

Dear Boss, This ‘HOPA’ Just Ain’t That Into You

August 10, 2010 by

Today’s palette cleanser: Young Jenny was apparently a “HOPA” at the office… at lest she was as far as the boss was concerned. Well, let’s just say that our Miss Jenny wasn’t amused. So she quit her job and as she did so she emailed these 33 photos to her colleagues explaining why.

CLICK HERE to see her clever resignation letter.

Now, news is that this is a hoax meant to advertise a new website. But whether it’s real or not, it is very funny. I still like it.

Fashion - Humor - Warner Todd Huston

Abercrumbie & Flitch Under Fire: Old People Should Stay Out of Malls

July 24, 2010 by

-By Warner Todd Huston

Abercrumbie & Flitch, the trendy fashion retailer, is under fire from customers and the media for its newest sales campaign. The retailer is calling it “Old sCOOL” and features scantily clad elderly folks modeling the store’s latest line of apparel.

Store spokesman and mastermind of the campaign, Stewart Kindly, said that the new campaign is meant to bring older customers back into the stores because, “Old people are cool, ya know?”

Mr. Kindly said that increasingly, older Americans are feeling left out of the loop in America’s malls where the retailer has most of its outlets. The chain felt that it was time to let the aged and infirm have a chance to “dress like a slut.”
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Abercrumbie & Flitch Under Fire: Old People Should Stay Out of Malls”

Children - Feminism - Humor - Warner Todd Huston

Babies Violate Labor Laws

May 7, 2010 by

-By Warner Todd Huston

Kim Grandy, the President of the National Organization for Women, has announced a new initiative to sue all babies born in the U.S. for violating labor laws by forcing mother’s into what Grandy calls “mommy slavery.”

NOW’s new program Freedom From Kids™ launched early this week and lays out a plan for the courts to take all children from beleaguered mothers at birth so that women can find their true potential in working for the government or university Wymin’s programs.

“For decades,” Grandy said, “Wymin have been chained to these ungrateful brats and have been held back from achieving their true potential. We believe that the this program will free wymin from the drudgery and hateful business of raising kids.”

Not to be outdone, the ACLU filed papers in federal court to require Federal Accredited Kid’s Entertainment (FAKE) services to supply every baby with the latest video games, the coolest clothes and only straight “A” grades in government schools in order to assure a comfortable lifestyle and raise levels of self esteem.

NOW’s plan to sue all babies will establish a fund by placing a lien against all future earnings of newborns to pay would-be un-mothers for the trouble of having birthed the burdensome children in the first place. Much of this fund will go to Planned Parenthood in order to spare other un-mothers the whole mess through abortion mills being set up across the country.

Grandy said that she is satisfied that this is the “best of all worlds.”

President Obama issued a press release praising the plan and apologizing to our European allies for not having thought this up decades ago. “If more American children were aborted or warehoused by government agencies to reduce the burden on wymin, perhaps WWII would never have been fought and peace would reign in every corner of the earth,” Obama said.
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Babies Violate Labor Laws”

Animals - Democrats/Leftists - Environment - Humor - Warner Todd Huston

News Alert: Bald Eagles Arrested For Eating Endangered Species

May 5, 2010 by 1 Comment

-By Warner Todd Huston

Yesterday the State of California arrested several pairs of American Bald Eagles that researchers released into the wild near the Channel Islands. Authorities charged the birds with conspiracy to kill endangered island foxes and rare seabirds for purposes of eating them.

The state’s case was built on the research of Seth D. Newsome, a researcher with the department of zoology and physiology at the University of Wyoming, who determined that the Bald Eagles could begin eating the endangered animals should the availability of the bird’s regular fish-based diet change.

Environmentalists celebrated the arrests saying that if the Bald Eagles refused to abide by federal endangered species laws, then the birds have abdicated their own protected status.
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News Alert: Bald Eagles Arrested For Eating Endangered Species”