Humor

Democrats/Leftists - Humor - Journalism - Liberals - Media Bias - Warner Todd Huston

AP Reporting from Wasilla

November 19, 2009 by

-By Warner Todd Huston

We just received in our email box the Associated Press working files on the following story…

Palin’s Daughter Arrested in Wasilla for Dangerous Drunk Driving

(AP) WASILLA, ALASKA — The daughter of failed Republican vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin was arrested Thursday in Wasilla for driving drunk.

Bristol Palin, 19, was stopped by officers at about 12:40 a.m. and booked after rude behavior at the Wasilla police station for driving under the influence.

She was held for about five hours and released at about 5:30 a.m. after posting $5,000 bail, officials said.

Bristol Palin is the eldest daughter of failed Republican vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin and could be responsible for the loss of Republican John McCain’s bid for president in 2006. After it was discovered she was pregnant out of wedlock, the doomed Palin GOP bid for vice president suffered repeated scandals. Governor Palin was thought to have been a book banner in Wasilla and it was reported that her son, Trig, was really Bristol’s child.

The hypocrisy of the Palin campai….

Wait…

This just in….
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AP Reporting from Wasilla”

Anti-Americanism - Europe - Humor - Society/Culture - Warner Todd Huston - Western Civilization

Europe is Our (Insert Female Pejorative Here)

November 18, 2009 by

-By Warner Todd Huston

**And now a word from my inner swaggerer…

Europe is a chick’s name. That’s right, you heard me. The word Europa from which Europe is derived is of feminine gender in origin. In Greek mythology Europa was a Phoenician princess abducted by Zeus. Zeus disguised himself as a bull to pull off the caper.

So, what do we have? Let’s review: Europe is a defenseless but pretty chick fooled by a bunch of bull and ravaged by a God.

Yep. Sounds about right.

Now what about America? How chikified is our name? Well, not much.

As it happens America is named after Amerigo Vespucci, a cartographer and explorer from the mid 1400s who was one of the first westerners to map the coast of the Americas. He was a man, baby.

A man’s man, an explorer, a man of means (well, early in his life, anyway), a sailor. A real tough guy. And even if that isn’t true, at least a person with a swinging anchor and some ballast which is more than we can say for the weeping, cringing Europa.

And since the naming, our two continents have certainly lived up to the theme. Europe, constantly ravaged, always weeping, forever moaning about being nice to folks, and never strong enough to stand on its own for long has been as weak and feckless as can be imagined..

On the other hand America has been the jewel of the world. America was born of the woman but strode forward in confident, self-possessed strides leaving mommy behind sniffling and waving her handkerchief to her successful son and warning him not to forget to write or at least leave a text message. America has spawned riches uncountable with its toils and with the United States at its head has become the world’s father and policeman. It’s a manly nation to say the least.

So, what’s in a name, William old sod? Nothing less than the expression of character (or weakness thereof). We Americans stand astride the world in manliness while Europe swoons by our side in supplication… and nagging, nagging, nagging like the gnarled old hag she has become. Even Zeus would be tired of her by now.

Yep. Europe is our bi_ _h.

Take that you Euroweenies!

So, go on. Call me a cowboy. But whose twirling rope are you Euroweenies gonna reach for when you’ve let the Islamofascists take over your lands? Whose six-shooters will come in handy when the Chinese are blowing you away? Which man in the white hat are ya gonna call on when you suddenly find yourself surrounded by hostiles on all sides? If’n yer lucky, pardner, we might jess lope on by and help ya out. Ya never know. Give us a whistle and see.

… OK, I feel better. And now back to the news.

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Europe is Our (Insert Female Pejorative Here)”

Anti-Americanism - Democrats/Leftists - Entertainment - Hollywood - Humor - Liberals - Movies - Society/Culture - Warner Todd Huston

New Hollywood Movie Says Islam Destroyed by 2012!

November 13, 2009 by

-By Warner Todd Huston

Roland Emmerich’s new end-of-the-world disaster film 2012 has a rollicking good time destroying every monument to man’s architectural genius in the world. The Sistine Chapel goes kablooie, as does the Vatican and the giant Christ the Redeemer statue in Rio de Janeiro. The White House gets flattened, too. All man’s most well known landmarks get turned to dust by Emmerich’s over-the-top movie effects team.

But by the time the year 2012 rolls around, director Roland Emmerich is obviously saying that Islam has already been wiped off the face of the Earth before the end came. There are no Saudi scenes of mayhem and destruction in his film. No Iranian landmarks get caved in, no destruction of Mecca and Medina are shown in Emmerich’s mashup masterpiece.

One can only conclude that Roland Emmerich has decided that Islam has been whipped out by an enraged western civilization before the year 2012. Emmerich is obviously saying that all Muslims have been put to death and all Muslim holy sites will have been erased from the earth long before 2012 comes to end all of civilization.
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New Hollywood Movie Says Islam Destroyed by 2012!”

Blogging - Business - Censorship - Computers - Humor - Inernet - Liberals - Technology - Warner Todd Huston

Apple App Store Says Mad Magazine Artist too Mean for Approval

November 10, 2009 by

-By Warner Todd Huston

I always knew that Mad Magazine was filled with ner-do-wells that will rot your brain and turn you into a big meanie. My teachers in school all told me so… and they were teachers so they must’ve been right. Now the Apple iPhone App store has finally seen the light of reason on this truism, too. Well, if the App Store didn’t deny Mad Magazine exactly, it did lower they kabosh on one of its nasty, mean-spirited artists, Tom Richmond, by denying his iPhone App registration. Serves him right, the troublemaker.

The good name of Apple computers will not be sullied by the rottenness, and all around anarchy of this no-account, Richmond, that’s for sure. And to assure that Apple will always stand for truth, justice and the American way, Richmond’s crummy little iPhone App has been denied. Take that forces of un-Americanness!

So, what was Richmond’s apostasy, you might wonder? Well, last year cartoonist Tom Richmond was asked to help with the graphic display of a proposed iPhone App that would connect the user with information on their representatives in Congress. It was to monstrously be titled the “Bobble Rep” App. The idea is that you’d key in the name of a congressman into your iPhone and his contact info would pop up on the screen. You’d get a little cartoon illustration of the congressman, his phone number, address and website.

“And,” You might ask? “So blinking what,” you might blurt out? Well, any casual look at these ultra mean, highly objectionable cartoons depicting a few of those well-born and delicate members of Congress will disabuse you of the notion that this iPhone App is anything but born of the devil.

Behold more of the blasphemy:
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Apple App Store Says Mad Magazine Artist too Mean for Approval”

Democrats/Leftists - Humor - Military - State Government - Warner Todd Huston

Associated Press Spelling Patrol, Or APs Lack of Military Knowledge?

November 8, 2009 by

-By Warner Todd Huston

Looks like the Associated Press has fired all its editors… or at least all the editors that can spell. Either that, or the good folks at the AP are so unfamiliar with matters military that they don’t know that the name for the beginning of the day’s activities in the military is “reveille.” As you can see below, the AP misspelled it “Revile.”



Anyway, I just found it amusing. Probably because I “revile” the Old Media so often.

Humor - John Armor - Society/Culture

Oxygen and Old Age

November 1, 2009 by

-By John Armor

I hate defeat. No concessions. No quitting. No giving up before the goal is reached. Last week I made one of the greater concessions of my life. It was a concession to oxygen and old age.

All of us maintain a certain fiction, as long and as far as we can. Well, for Jack LaLanne, he’s still the same trim athletic guy he always was, and leading exercise groups at the age of 92. But for the rest of us, we are not the young, agile folks we once were.

Hair goes. Teeth go. Gravity takes hold of various body parts. Knees and other joints get stiff and uncooperative. We pretend it isn’t much. But all together, it’s a lot. It’s permanent. And, it’s all downhill.

But there is one symptom of deterioration I’ve always thought is an order of magnitude worse than all the others, combined. All of you have seen it. Some of you have experienced it. It is the plethora of take-along oxygen bottles that are appearing all across the greying face of America.

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Oxygen and Old Age”

Congress - Democrats/Leftists - House of Representatives - Humor - Society/Culture - Warner Todd Huston

Newspaper Story Reveals Pelosi’s Life Struggle

October 18, 2009 by 5 Comments

After all this time, I was not aware of the hurdles that Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi (D, CA) has overcome to get where she is. But after seeing this story on the website of KING, Channel 5 news I have to say that I am taken aback by Mrs. Pelosi’s brave fight against her disability.

We can all applaud the Speaker for overcoming this severe disability. So, kudos to you Speaker Pelosi.

Ann "Babe" Huggett - Barack Obama - Britain - Crime - Democrats/Leftists - Humor - Journalism - Liberals - Media Bias - Socialism - Society/Culture

Drugged Out Of One’s Gourd

October 1, 2009 by

-By Ann “Babe” Huggett

Poor Labour Prime Minister Gordon Brown of the UK has been the subject of some scurrilous web rumors lately that he is “self-medicating” by popping pills in order to “get himself through” his high pressure/low respect days. Who could blame Brown, if he took to at least the bottle after not only being snubbed five times in a row to get a bilateral conference with US President Barack Obama but ended up disgracing himself and his country over the Lockerbie bomber release-for-oil fiasco earlier on? Brown strikes me as a scotch and soda sort of fellow, who drinks in private but that old adage about never drinking alone because, if discovered, it will only arouse pity comes to mind here.

Normally, web rumors are just that and usually go no further especially in a country where the media works hand-in-hand with the government. The pro-Labour BBC is solidly leftist these days so Brown was not expecting the sucker punch live interview question on BBC TV by UK political presenter, Andrew Marr, when Andrew asked point blank, “…something everybody has been talking about in the Westminster village… A lot of people in this country use prescription painkillers and pills to help them get through. Are you one of them?”

Brown, of course, reacted in outrage because the insinuation carries behind it the acknowledgment that Labour has lost the approval of the media. Earlier in the week the UK’s political Rasputin of the Left, Business Secretary, Lord Mandelson, commented that he could easily work with the Tories should have let everyone know that Labour’s days in power are numbered.

Andrew Marr’s question is also interesting on a different level because, quite frankly, it needs to be asked of all the world’s current leaders. Drugs, booze, decadent excess, jet lag and plain old mental instability would go a long way in explaining why we’re all in this hand basket and where we are all going.
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Drugged Out Of One’s Gourd”

Anti-Americanism - Barack Obama - Democrats/Leftists - Entertainment - Health - Hollywood - Humor - Liberals - Society/Culture - State Government - Taxes - Warner Todd Huston

On Healthcare we MUST Listen to Overpaid, Celebrities

September 30, 2009 by

And now, a little comedy break from our serious discussion. But it’s comedy with a serious underlying message, of course.

That’s it. I am convinced. This video proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that we must listen to overpaid, uninformed celebrities to tell us what to think on healthcare.

And now, I’ll bet you are convinced, too. Right?

(H/T HotAir.com)

Ann "Babe" Huggett - Anti-Americanism - Barack Obama - Democrats/Leftists - Humor - Liberals - Socialism - Society/Culture

A Sneak Peek Inside Obama’s Presidential Diary

September 24, 2009 by

-By Ann “Babe” Huggett

Just a typical Wednesday, 2009:

6:30 am: Rise and Shine! Push-ups, sit-ups and cinch Michelle into her latest thick leather belt. Man! That woman looks more and more like a plow horse every day! I’ve got to talk her out of those harnesses!

7:00 am: See the girls before they go off to that private Sidwell Friends School of theirs. Those girls deserve the best!

7:15 am: Sneak a cigarette and sign papers killing vouchers for school choice. Who do those parents think they are by keeping their children out of the public school indoctrination into MY Personality Cult like that?
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A Sneak Peek Inside Obama’s Presidential Diary”

Anti-Americanism - Congress - Democrats/Leftists - Freedom - Humor - Liberals - Security/Safety - Society/Culture - Warner Todd Huston

Democrats Sponsor the DRINK Act

August 16, 2009 by 1 Comment

-By Warner Todd Huston

America needs to come together in this time of mean-spirited, backroom organizing. Yes, in this age of never before seen racism, in this age of the Nazi-like machinations of the un-American protester, we need to come together in a spirit of healthy debate where only the good is heard.

Our national ruler, The One, Barack Hussein Obama, the bringer of togetherness, the whumper of myths, the champion of the people over the powerful, has graciously come before us numerous times to plead for the light to be shown upon the evilness of Republicanism. And he is good.

So, in the spirit of our ruler, we the Democratic Party of the United States, have designed a new program to bring America into a new era. It is called the DRINK act.

Please, help us pass the Democratic Renewal by Ingesting Nutritious Koolaide act by contacting your regional controllers and “representatives” and let them know that you are 100% for the Koolaide!

President Obama has generously allocated $20 billion borrowed from his friends in China to distribute the government approved Koolaide packets so that all Americans* might come to see the light. The red, cherry flavored hallucinogen is FDA approved and good for Mom, the kids and grandma.

Once Americans ingest their government approved soft drink, all their cares will melt away. They will no longer be all upset by Republican lies about over spending, taxes, and government “tyranny.” There will be no worries any more. The people will find that everything is wonderful for the first time ever and will be content that the Democratic Party is there to support them.

Remember to tell your Congressmen that YOU want to DRINK the Koolaide!

*The Legislative, Judicial and Executive branches of government are exempt from the requirement to ingest any substance recommended to the people. State officials may determine that state employees are not eligible for this program. Military personnel are not exempted from the DRINK act, however, and will be injected with a concentrated substance upon passage of the DRINK act.
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Democrats Sponsor the DRINK Act”

Ann "Babe" Huggett - Barack Obama - Business - Democrats/Leftists - Fashion - Humor - Joe Biden - Journalism - Liberals - Media Bias - President - Society/Culture

Martha’s Vineyard 2009 Vacation Style Tip Do’s and Don’ts For President Obama and His Posse

August 13, 2009 by

-By Ann “Babe” Huggett

Mark Twain’s cynical comment that, “No man’s life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session.” is even truer today than when he first uttered those words in 1866. So, America, let’s all let out a collective sigh of relief that our increasingly kleptocratic Congress is currently in recess! Time to hit the beach and frolic in the waves just like our President and Representatives!

Oh, wait, we can’t. We’re too busy clinging to our jobs to take time off for fun, working two jobs to pay for the ever-increasing cost of living or too broke from being unemployed to go any where for vacation this year. Bummer. Guess we’ll just have to live vicariously through watching our hardly-working, always-traveling, apologist-in-Chief, President Obama, and the DC Ruling Elites splash about for us in one of America’s most exclusive, swank and expensive vacation spots ever, Martha’s Vineyard.

Beloved by preppy snobs of either party, Martha’s Vineyard is a pricey haven away from the common herd. It’s been the vacation get-away for celebrities and politicians for decades and it’s not uncommon for the likes of Kate Jackson, Steve Tyler, Reese Witherspoon, Beyoncé Knowles and Meg Ryan to bump into Senator John Kerry, President Bill Clinton and Senator Ted Kennedy.
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Martha’s Vineyard 2009 Vacation Style Tip Do’s and Don’ts For President Obama and His Posse”

Barack Obama - Congress - Democrats/Leftists - Economy/Finances - Humor - Journalism - Liberals - Media Bias - Warner Todd Huston

Obama Killed Singer Michael Jackson (this one is for Piker)

June 27, 2009 by 6 Comments

One of the most disastrous pieces of legislation in decades, one that will be as ruinous as Smoot-Hawley, came before the House of Representatives on Friday, June 26. This bill will further destroy the economy, wipe out jobs all across the country, and is based on what more and more people understand as the pseudo science of global warming, or globaloney as I like to call it. This piece of garbage is as bad as they come. It’s called the cap and trade bill.

A similar bill like this one has been in play in Australia and it is so bad for their economy, Australia is set to repeal it. Ditto for New Zealand, who’ve suspended it.

Yet the idiots in the House of Representatives, with the traitorous “yes” vote of some 8 quisling Republicans have actually been stupid enough to pass the same sort of nonsense that is proving such a farce everywhere else.

So, what does that have to do with Michael Jackson, pedophile and boy singer? And what did Obama have to do with it?

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Obama Killed Singer Michael Jackson (this one is for Piker)”

Abortion - Anti-Americanism - Barack Obama - Democrats/Leftists - Guns - Health - Humor - Islam - Islamofascism - Liberals - Media Bias - President - Security/Safety - Society/Culture - Warner Todd Huston

Attny. Gen. Acts to Protect Endangered Doctors, Misunderstood Muslims

June 2, 2009 by 2 Comments

-By Warner Todd Huston

AP Washington – U. S. Attorney General Eric Holder took swift action today on the heels of twin gun crime outrages perpetrated in different states.

After the craven murder of healthcare provider Doctor George Tiller, Holder issued orders for federal marshals to be stationed as protection details at the clinics of threatened healthcare providers throughout the country. Quickly on the tail of that order a fresh gun outrage in Arkansas caused the Attorney General of the United States to act again.

After a misunderstood Muslim was involved in an unfortunate incident with two powerful Military soldiers in Arkansas, Holder issued orders for all Muslim converts to be given protection. Holder said that firearms training is also being considered for their protection. Additionally, a bill was quickly drawn up by Senator Dick Durbin (D, Iran) to provide financial support to any Muslim that feels threatened by any member of the oppressive white majority.

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Attny. Gen. Acts to Protect Endangered Doctors, Misunderstood Muslims”

Anti-Americanism - Barack Obama - Democrats/Leftists - Humor - Liberals - Media Bias - President - Society/Culture - Warner Todd Huston

Obama: Undoing This Mess Left for Me

May 22, 2009 by

-By Warner Todd Huston

Transcript of President Barack Obama’s Press Conference:

Thanks for coming and I hope that being in my presence is enough reward for you in the press that have come to pay homage. Now, let me stand just here so that you can get some nice photos of me with my head framed by the presidential seal on the wall… there ya go. OK take your photos now. Good. See how the seal looks like a halo around my anointed head? Excellent. Good work fellas. Oh, and you honey’s too, can’t forget the ladies.

Well, let’s get started…

I know these are hard times we face today. As I sat in the movie theater of my house here in the Nation’s Capitol watching the latest Star Trek movie, I couldn’t escape from thinking about these tough times in which we live. Not even my Kobe beef dinner and cocktails could shake me from my reverie on these hard times. We all must engage in a shared sacrifice firmly shouldering the burden of this mess left for me from the previous administration.

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Obama: Undoing This Mess Left for Me”

Barack Obama - Democrats/Leftists - Humor - Liberals - Warner Todd Huston

New Mental Disease Identified

May 10, 2009 by 1 Comment

-By Warner Todd Huston

Press Release

The American Psychologist Association (APA) has identified a new, debilitative mental disorder today in hopes that patients will seek help. The new syndrome, Iconographic Desire Influenced by Obama’s Terrificness Syndrome (or IDIOT Syndrome), has been identified in at least one case in Cincinnati, Ohio.

This mental disease manifests itself in an acute desire to collect photos, bobble head figures, coffee cups, T-Shirts and other items emblazoned with the iconic, religious figure of Barack Obama or the spiffy red and blue “O” logo developed for his permanent campaign.

The disorder can cause psychotic breakdowns, violent behavior, disregard for personal responsibility, sudden disdain for friends but an unhealthy need to be loved by enemies, instant arrogance or undeserved self-esteem, TelePrompter dependence, and flights of fantasy.

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New Mental Disease Identified”

Democrats/Leftists - Entertainment - Hollywood - Humor - Liberals - Media Bias - Society/Culture - Warner Todd Huston

Hollywood’s New 3 Stooges: Benicio del Toro, Jim Carrey and… Sean Penn??

March 26, 2009 by

-By Warner Todd Huston

OK, now by that headline you are most likely assuming that I am calling del Toro, Carrey and Penn Hollywood stooges and making fun of them. Of course, we already know that Penn and del Toro are stooges on the “useful idiot” level, but you may wonder why I am slapping Carrey? Well, I mean it in the strictest sense — that Hollywood is casting for a new 3 Stooges team and these are the three Nyucks under consideration. It is del Toro as the new Moe, Carrey as the next Curly and Penn as our favorite nebbish, Larry.

But leave it to Hollywood to take the funniest threesome in Hollywood history and make a muck of it. This isn’t really the 3 Stooges at all. See, it is a “new” one, set in modern day, where three guys sortta, kinda like the 3 Stooges find each other in an orphanage and start a comedy team bringing them fame and fortune.

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Hollywood’s New 3 Stooges: Benicio del Toro, Jim Carrey and… Sean Penn??”

Barack Obama - Humor - Media Bias - Warner Todd Huston

Old Media’s Shoddy Work

March 23, 2009 by

-By Warner Todd Huston

This is just a small example of the shoddy work seen in the Old Media, but the Chicago Tribune uncorked an amusing bit of sloppy writing today in a story about Obama’s White House looking to change the way coffee and water is served there.

After regaling us about new coffee cups Obama’s administration wants to buy, the Bush cups not being sufficient, Sarah Gantz writing for the Trib unleashes this one (my bold):

The cold-drink equivalent of coffee at White House meetings has traditionally been bottled water. But the practice of distributing individual bottles is being phased out for a less wasteful method of water consumption.

“We’re also taking steps to minimize the use of plastic bottles,” Glunz said, by replacing the plastic with pitchers and cups.

Traditionally been bottled water? What “tradition” are we talking about? The practice of one president, and just the last one at that?

Naturally we all remember when Abe Lincoln tried to get rid of the plastic water bottles. The whole establishment was in an uproar. After all, George Washington himself started that tradition of drinking water in plastic bottles.

“Traditionally,” indeed.

Barack Obama - Humor - Military - News - Patriotism - President - Warner Todd Huston

The Difference Between President Bush and Barry? Ask the Marines…

March 11, 2009 by

You’re traveling from a dimension of raucous applause to one curiously subdued, even tepid. It is a dimension not only of oorahs but one of mild clapping. A journey into a proud land of service and country, if you dare. The next stop up ahead, the Semper Fi zone.

Some presidents are welcome in the Semper Fi zone… others…. not so much.