-By Warner Todd Huston
Apparently, the Philly Inquirer wants us to know that the GOP candidates for president are drooling, half sentient, Bible thumping, gun toting, racists. Oh, and Fred Thompson is stupid and lazy. Just as apparently, the Philadelphia Inquirer is having trouble finding writers for their rag. I mean, what else could explain their giving a teenager a shot at filling space in the Sunday issue? Of course, I could be wrong. It could be that Dick Polman only writes like a 15-year-old. Worse, Polman seems to have sold himself to the Inquirer as some sort of comedian with “The American Debate, For the love of guns, God and Reagan,” too. But, if he IS an adult and really does think his Sunday piece is funny, well, there’s no accounting for taste — or sense — on the far left, I suppose. I guess the joke is on the readers of the Inquirer.
Billed as “what the GOP candidates might say in the next Iowa debate to woo conservatives,” Polman has decided the only thing that will do so is to appear as a gun crazed, racist that mindlessly echos Ronald Reaganisms. Like I said, it was supposed to be funny… I guess.
All the Republican presidential candidates will debate, again, on Wednesday in Iowa. Here’s an exclusive look at the advance transcript.
And here is what Polman imagines is the first question:
All these candidates have said they support guns. But talk is cheap. I want to know if they’re all proudly carrying their own guns, right now, right here on this stage.
Gentlemen, a show of hands . . . oh, my . . . that’s quite an arsenal up there. Somebody nudge Fred Thompson, wake him up. Sen. Thompson? Hello? What do you have?
So, what does Polman imagine the candidates will say?
Fred Thompson: Uhhh, got me a AP4 carbine rifle with a 16-inch barrel. This little ole honey would have surely impressed Ronald Reagan.
Rudy Giuliani: So what? Mine’s a bolt-action Remington. With a 24-inch barrel. Mine’s bigger than yours. And that’s not all I got. Say hello to my Charter Arms .44. It’s ideal for home defense against Islamofascists, because 9/11 changed everything. By the way, fuggedaboutit, I can see that there’s one wuss on this stage.
Mitt Romney: Yes, it’s true: I am not armed at this time. But I did just buy a gun cabinet for Christmas, and I have the receipt right here, with copies for everyone, see? From Dick’s Sporting Goods, and, my gosh, it’s a beauty. Wood veneer, tempered glass, holds six long guns
(Candidates scrutinize the receipt. Civil cross talk.)
You can just feel that Leno’s bookers are getting on the phone to book this funny man on the Tonight Show, eh? On second thought, he shouldn’t give up his job at McDonald’s just in case. There’s an old joke about comedy that comedians like to throw out: “Don’t try this at home, kids.” It’s a bit of advice that neither Dick Polman nor the Philly Inquirer seem to have followed.
Continue reading “Philly Inquirer: Pistol Packing GOP Candidates at Debates”