Graffiti Wall ‘Vandalized’ By… um, Graffiti?

-By Warner Todd Huston

Only on the Island nation of England, a place that has literally become a living recreation of Alice’s Wonderland world, can this story exist. Only in a world where logic, laws and traditions have been summarily erased only to be replaced by frivolity and situational ethics can the situation that spawned this laughable tale even be possible. In England we find a world upside down. A native son, Swift, thought he was writing satire those centuries ago, but he was utterly unaware that he was actually writing prophecy — one that has now come true.

The laughing stock that is Britain gives us the harrowing tale of the graffiti wall that was “vandalized” by… well, graffiti and the tongue clucking Bobbie that is all aghast over this evil deed.

That’s right, a graffiti wall that has been “ruined” by having someone put graffiti on it. At least, that is the charge leveled by the nitwits that run the town of Wadebridge in Cornwall. You see, the Town Council went to all the effort to plan and raise funds to erect a curving, blank wall upon which local punks and lawbreakers could paint their graffiti. Apparently, the idea is to give these little monsters a place to do their worst so as not to destroy property in the area.

But, horror of horrors, what happened? An actual citizen got so upset that his tax money was going for this absurd purpose that he painted a message of his own on the blank wall. That message read, “I paid my tax and all I got was this lousy wall.”

Now, in any other context, this trenchant slogan would be called graffiti. And, since what we have here is the Town Council wasting tax payer’s money to build a wall, one specifically for graffiti to be painted upon, how is it that anyone could be too upset that someone actually put graffiti on it? And, even worse, why is the Town Council upset that it was an actual taxpayer that did so? Should only yobs be “allowed’ to paint graffiti, now?

I mean, isn’t graffiti what the stupid wall is for?

Sadly, the Town Council has the gall to actually be upset over this rightful (and funny) expression of graffiti. I guess it isn’t the right kind of graffiti, eh?

Now, catch the stupidity from Sergeant Robin Moorcroft, idiot in charge of the investigation. This perfunctory, lamebrain has the stuffing to actually scold the person responsible for putting graffiti on a wall made for graffiti. Look at the vacuity of this bucket-headed twit’s response:

“The ironic thing is that the wall has been built thanks to the generosity of local people giving time and resources for free,” he said.

“But it is now going to cost the taxpayer, as we will have to crime it, investigate it and paint over it.

“We have been working hard to try to provide something positive for the community and this coward and their juvenile delinquent act has set a terrible example to the youth of the town.

“To paint graffiti on the wall and remain anonymous shows this person has no courage, I would have more respect if he or she came forward and admitted responsibility.”

“Irony,” Robin, old bean? You want “irony”? How about the “irony” that the town spent time and money trying to PLACATE lawbreakers by building this damnable wall at all? How about the “irony” that YOU are obviously not doing your job STOPPING the graffiti in the first place? How about the irony that your failure to do your job makes you a useless member of your society? Obviously your failures, Sergeant Moorcrap, has created a situation where graffiti is so bad the community had to make this futile and immoral effort to build the wall in the first place. Not to mention you are so ineffectual that you ALSO didn’t even catch the guy responsible for “vandalizing” the new graffiti wall in the second place?

And, WHY would it cost the city to paint over it? Despite that it should never have been built at all, why does this wall have to be painted over at all? Are you going to paint over EVERY piece of graffiti to keep the wall shiny and white? If so, doesn’t that defeat the purpose of having a wall for graffiti?

And can we be honest here? Half the draw for these punks to involve themselves in graffiti at all is because it is dangerous and destructive. Being given a wall by the city for their graffiti will simply take all the interest out of the graffiti for them… at least for that wall, anyway. Naturally, they’ll continue to destroy property without a hitch in their plan otherwise. This so-called graffiti wall will be of little interest to these law-breakers.

This is awfully, yet astoundingly, typical of the illogic of the British, I must say. Imagine the conversation that must be occurring here:

Sgt. Moorcrap: “I say, we have a nice graffiti wall there, eh?”  
Town Councilman: “Oooo, indeed, we do!”  
Sgt. Moorcrap: “Oy, look there! Someone’s painted something there!”  
Town Councilman: “This is an outrage Sergeant. What are you to do about this crime?”  
Sgt. Moorcrap: “We’ll chase this criminal to the ends of the earth, we will. I shan’t have anyone painting graffiti on our graffiti wall on MY watch, no siree!”  
Town Councilman: “Quite so, Sergeant. Quite so! Imagine. Our nice white graffiti wall with all the ghastly graffiti on it!”

And lastly, this specious “something positive for the community” stuff and nonsense must be addressed. This wall idea is not something positive at all. It is a degradation of law and society. Graffiti punks should not be bent over for they should be prosecuted and jailed not given this tax funded coddling.

Look, this unseemly coddling of the criminals in the UK has gone about as far as it can. This wall is a perfect example that the spine of the British people has been pulled out and cast into the cold seas around them. The nation that once stood firm before Hitler’s fascist armies is dead, replaced by the cowering, useless un-men that now inhabit the island. Where did these Eloi come from? Did Wells’ Time Machine bring them?

Why are there no men left in England? Why is there no law, no tradition left standing. Why has England allowed itself to become the stuff of the worst embodiment of a satirist’s nightmare?

What is WRONG with you people?


Warner Todd Huston is a Chicago based freelance writer, has been writing opinion editorials and social criticism since early 2001 and is featured on many websites such as,, New Media Journal, Men’s News Daily and the New Media Alliance among many, many others. Additionally, he has been a frequent guest on talk-radio programs to discuss his opinion editorials and current events. He has also written for several history magazines and appears in the new book “Americans on Politics, Policy and Pop Culture” which can be purchased on He is also the owner and operator of Feel free to contact him with any comments or questions : EMAIL Warner Todd Huston

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