A little humor before the day begins…
1. For Our Liberal, Citizens of the World Friends:
Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, our best wishes For an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low- stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.
We also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2009, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great or, on the other hand, that hate America and all it stands for. Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country nor the only America in the Western Hemisphere. And without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee. By accepting these greetings you are accepting these terms.
This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for herself or himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher.
This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.
If you find offense in any of the greeting you have found herein, please do realize that it is because we are ignorant, racist and hateful, even though we don’t want to be. We are by birth because we are white. We cannot help it. So, if this greeting upset you, please feel free to know that everything America stands for is evil and we disavow it all. You are right. We are horrible. Worst ever. Worst in history.
Please, please, please don’t be offended. I’d rather die than offend you.
2. For Our American Conservative Friends:
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!