The Reasonable Liberal

-By Warner Todd Huston

I am a reasonable Liberal

America is a great place… but we need to be more like Europe.

I am a reasonable Liberal

I love America… except for its history, its culture, its societal structure, and its politics.

I am a reasonable Liberal

I hate politicians that lie… unless they have a last name of Clinton… or Kerry… or, well, any Democrat’s last name.

I am a reasonable Liberal

I think everyone should have their say… unless they say it in school, government, or in public.

I am a reasonable Liberal

Your belief in religion is just fine… unless it’s seen in school, government or in public.

I am a reasonable Liberal

I am for free expression, though … except for the conservatives on talk radio or FOX News. THEN I want a law that limits their speech.

I am a reasonable Liberal

I think entertainers should be allowed to do or say anything they want… unless it is that TV show “24”. That thing is dangerous.

I am a reasonable Liberal

I am for fairness for all… and, if you have a job, you should pay to make things “fair” for people who won’t get one.

I am a reasonable Liberal

I am also for making sure minorities get a good job… even if I have to make sure whites don’t.

I am a reasonable Liberal

I am against guns… unless it means taking them away from my bodyguard.

I am a reasonable Liberal

I am for showing mercy to killers, but also for killing babies in the womb.

I am a reasonable Liberal

I am against big oil…. need a lift? I have an SUV and a private jet.

I am a reasonable Liberal

I am for wind farms and alternative energy… unless the means to it blocks the view from my beachfront home.

I am a reasonable Liberal

I love my fellow Americans… except for the religious ones, the southern ones, the conservative ones, the law abiding ones, the traditional ones, the old ones, the Midwestern ones, the white ones, the gun-owning ones, the flag loving ones, the ones with children that they are actually raising themselves, the ones who work for a living, the ones who don’t want to be in a union, the truck driving ones, and the female ones that stay at home.

I am a reasonable Liberal

And most of all I am for love. And if you don’t like it I will get a bunch of my friends that don’t have jobs, surround your house, throw rocks through your windows, spit on your military sons, burn your cars, and then sue you if you try to fight back.

And it’s all because I am a reasonable Liberal.