Certifiably Straight

-By Gary Krasner

I can’t agree with this article (short excerpt below). There IS such a thing as being totally straight. And space-age technology proved that I was.

Four years ago Progressive Insurance offered subscribers a chance to reduce their premiums significantly. I jumped at the offer!

All I had to do was plug in a device into my car’s computer connection. It would transmit data to the company analyzing my driving habits.

Basically, you have to demonstrate that you drive like a faggot. You can’t drive fast or brake suddenly. Shit like that.

After 6 months of data stored, I received a notice saying I failed to get the discount. I called Progressive to find out why.

Progressive Insurance is founded by a hard left commie. So I made sure to watch my language, and not sound politically incorrect.

The bitch on the phone explained that the data showed that I didn’t drive safely. She told me how to display the results on their website.

Then she pointed out the dates where I braked hard, for example. I countered that most often, the speed indicated I was going only 10 MPH at the time!

None of my complaints mattered. She gave me enough details on the ways the computer assesses driving if I wanted to try it again.

So I obtained the device again, and this time, over the next 6 months, I tried my best to drive like a faggot. I really wanted that discount!

So much so, that my friend in the passenger seat at one point commented, “Shit Gary, why are you driving like a faggot?!”

By the end of the 6 months, exhausted in my effort, I applied for the discount. And again I was told that I failed the test!

After complaining to this second bitch, she concluded, “Look Mr. Krasner, there’s no way to fake it. You either drive like a faggot, or you don’t.” [click]

There’s no such thing as totally ‘straight’, new study on sexuality says

Rigid sexual orientations have defined the preference of men and women for decades; however, a new study is attempting to do away with strict definitions of sexuality.

The study, published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, argues that there?s no such thing as a ?straight? man or woman. Rather, people operate on a spectrum.

Researchers showed men and women different kinds of pornographic material.

Rather than relying on self-reporting, the study looked at physiological responses to the sexual material. Namely pupil dilation, which is a sign of sexual arousal.

The study found that women?s eyes dilated when they viewed a man and a woman being sexuality intimate, and when two women were sexually intimate.

Lesbian are more aroused to their preferred sex than the other sex, a pattern normally seen in men…. (Read More)


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