-By Warner Todd Huston
I was shocked to see the text of Obama’s letter to Iran leaked. But, I guess even The One has a few insiders that will leak things.
Dear Iran,
Yo, yo, yo waddup, fellas? It’s me, Hussein. You know, the guy that just became president of the USA?
Yeah, that one. So how’s it hangin’? (That wasn’t a gay joke, BTW)
I just wanted to remind you guys that I’m ready to talk to ya’all. That was a promise I made in the campaign and that one was no “takiyah” — and let me just say I love that “takiyah” thing. I use it a lot.
I also wanted to drop you great guys a line to let you know that I want a whole new thang between us, ya know? Let’s get a whole no groove going! I am sick of the USA always assuming you want to kill us and all. Like most well-meaning Americans, I am sure that whole 9/11 thing was all just a big mistake by only a few Muslims that were wayward. I’m sure you guys would never celebrate such a tragedy. Besides, my Spiritual Mentor, Rev. Wright, tells me WE are the ones that did it, anyway. I’m looking into that right after I check our files to see if that whole “Holocaust” thing really happened.
Anyhoo, my Muslim background reminds me that we are all friends here. As your new president… I mean as the president of the USA, I apologize for all the evil this great Satan has done and will turn that around for you guys ASAP.
If I can help you out with anything give me a call. Need some nukes? We got a lot of ’em. Want us to put some of our generals and past leaders in jail? Will do. Just give me a jingle.
Oh, and don’t worry about the “country” of Israel. I am workin’ on that for ya’all.
One last thing. If you guys would consider helping us stop all this bombing of stuff, not that I am saying it’s wrong, but we’d really appreciate it. Tell ya what. If you guys lay off the support of blowing things up and the cutting people’s heads off an’ all, I’ll have some Chicago Deep Dish pizza sent your way. Ever had that stuff? Geeze is it good.
OK? So, peace out, peace in our times, an’ all that jazz. Cool?
Signed,
Your pal,
B. HUSSEIN Obama
President of theworldthe USAP.S. This White House is one kicking crib. You guys ever stayed in the Lincoln Bed Room? For a little donation I can arrange it.
Well. That was quite a missive.
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Warner Todd Huston is a Chicago based freelance writer, has been writing opinion editorials and social criticism since early 2001 and is featured on many websites such as newsbusters.org, Human Events Magazine, townhall.com, New Media Journal, Men’s News Daily and the New Media Alliance among many, many others. Additionally, he has been a frequent guest on talk-radio programs to discuss his opinion editorials and current events. He has also written for several history magazines and appears in the new book “Americans on Politics, Policy and Pop Culture” which can be purchased on amazon.com. He is also the owner and operator of publiusforum.com. Feel free to contact him with any comments or questions : EMAIL Warner Todd Huston
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