-By Vince Johnson
Dear Sir/Ms/Mrs.:___________________________ (Fill in your favorite candidate’s name. Either Party. Male or Female)
Your Del Rio press conference should begin without hype and fanfare. You thank them for being there and say “Rather than nit pick the pros and cons about driver’s licenses for illegals I’ve decided to tell you what I plan to do about illegal immigration. First I’ll find out if it is feasible to widen the entire Rio Grande River by adding more dams like the Amistad Dam near Del Rio, Texas. This could be one of a series of dams much like those constructed in the 1930’s by the Tennessee Valley Authority. Those dams not only widened the river, they provided flood control and hydro-electric power which helped energize the local economy. I will appoint a special task force and give them thirty days to come up with sufficient data to determine if the idea is worth forwarding to Congress for appropriate legislation.”
You emphasize that this is the idea of several mayors of cities in Texas. It is your policy to give careful consideration to any recommendation from those most directly involved. You continue: “Security for the border along California, Arizona and New Mexico would utilize high tech devices, motion detectors, infra-red scanners, etc. All four states could have larger security teams with upgraded training and equipment for quick and efficient enforcement.” You make it very clear: “Instead of walls and fences, security will be based on high tech devices, well trained enforcement teams and wide water if feasible.”
You continue “I will have another special task force come up with the most appropriate way to initiate a proposal that would make legal that which has been happening illegally anyway! The assignment will be to determine how to go about asking Mexico to allow their people to vote on a measure asking if the United States of America would annex Mexico as its fifty-first state!”
The first reaction will be that you “flipped out” big time. But hang in there. The United States is currently subsidizing illegals at a level exceeding $200 BILLION* a year. (*Source: Center for Immigration Studies.) This is for Medicaid, food assistance programs, education, inmates in prisons, welfare payments, etc. The Mexican government is encouraging their own citizens to migrate to the U.S. (legally or illegally) It is time to let the citizens of Mexico decide if they’d like to become a part of the United States without the need to leave home! Don’t forget, when Texas was an Independent Republic, their citizens asked to join the Union and they became the 28th State in December 1845.
It is also expedient that global attention be focused on the fact that millions of people from all over the world continue to risk their lives to live in a nation frequently condemned by powerful tyrants in the Middle East, South America and many other nations who are members of the UN. (You will elaborate on this later when you discuss a new Foreign Policy.)
State firmly: “I will not support any effort to deport illegal aliens unless they have been convicted of a felony. Period!” Then you explain why. “Every administration from Truman onward has protected the illegals by not allowing our immigration laws to be enforced. We employed illegals. We cared for them when they were ill. Their kids attended our schools. We bestowed citizenship on their babies. We did all of these things and much more during the administrations of Truman, Eisenhower, Kennedy, Johnson, Nixon, Ford, Carter, Reagan, George H. Bush, Clinton, and George W. Bush.
“Neither of these administrations allowed immigration laws to be enforced and stood in silence as billions from our treasury were used to care for the needs of millions of illegals. To emphasize: Eleven previous administrations avoided their responsibilities. Call it carelessness, typical oversight, incompetence, inconvenience, betrayal of their trust, corruption, or whatever you like. The vast majority of people did not object and it is now time to set things right.
“Remember the little boy named Elian Gonzalez? His mother lost her life at sea in an effort to flee Cuba while bringing him to relatives in Florida. After conscientious deliberation, the Attorney General of the United States of America declared him to be an illegal alien and ordered a heavily armed seven-man swat team to forcibly remove him from his relatives and return him to Cuba. To repeat: Seven heavily armed soldiers, and one terrified illegal alien only eight years old!
“There are around 20 million illegal aliens in America. These people are here and they want to stay. We have 2.8 million in the armed forces, including Reserves. I will never sign an order to forcefully deport 20 million people out of America. The cost is unaffordable and the logistics involved are far beyond our means. We did wrong when we allowed them to enter America. They did wrong by staying in America. When you have a wrong on one side plus a wrong on the other side it is up to both sides to make it right. It can be done, and it will be done if we really want to do it.”
After taking questions, you thank them and announce that your next Press Conference will be at Santiam High School in Mill City, Oregon where you will tell them where you stand on education.
Sincerely, VJ
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Vince Johnson welcomes comments. Please send them to,Vince Johnson(vjadtrak@wvi.com)
See Vince in the new book Americans on Politics. Policy, and Pop-Culture.