REVISION OF ANNOUNCEMENT MADE JANUARY 24, 2007

-By Vince Johnson

I recently indicated I would announce my candidacy for President of the United States sometime in May 2007. After considerable inner deliberation, I am having second thoughts.

As soon as I mentioned May 2007, people started asking questions. For example: “Who would I appoint as Secretary of the Treasury?” I had planned to appoint Donald Trump. But when I realized this appointment was based on my secret desire to fire him, I began to think it might be wise to re-consider. Maybe Bill Gates would make a better choice. If we ran a little short on cash, he could bail us out.

Then somebody asked me who I’d accept as a running mate? This stopped me cold. No matter who I picked, it would make half the electorate mad. If he were a Liberal, all the Conservatives would get upset. If he were Conservative, all the Liberals would get upset. If he were an Independent, all the Liberals and all the Conservatives would suddenly merge into a rare moment of unified uproar. If it were a man, most of the women would be insulted. If it were a woman, most of the men would be insulted.

No matter who runs for President and Vice-President, the slings and arrows will be ready and waiting for both of them. This is reality. This is the new America. Half of us despise what the other half admires. Half of us have contempt for what the other half finds commendable.

Perhaps a robot for a running mate? No way! The nation would be divided over which company would design and built it. Would it be IBM? Apple? HP? Sony? Toshiba? Maybe a consortium of international institutions approved by the Congress! Then of course, we’d have some sort of trial in the Supreme Quart regarding whether or not a robot running mate is in violation of the Constitution. I have asked the ACLU to review this question, but they haven’t responded. Oh hum!

Maybe I should just go ahead and run for President. It could be a diversion for all those folks who are tired of all the billions spent on glitzy political pomp and splendor. Maybe it is time to recognize reality. Our elections are becoming a time of thoughtless confusion rather than thoughtful contemplation. If I should run, at least there would be some chance that a substantial number of Americans would finally recognize that our electoral process has drifted far beyond what many have defined as a joke of tragic consequences.

All I’d have to do would be to announce plans to have a Cabinet that would make a Prime Time News Anchor look skyward and choke. Just imagine Tom Brokaw coming out of retirement to announce my choice of Don Rickles as Secretary of State! Or Katy Curic trying to keep a straight face while announcing that Reggie Bush would be my “running” mate! Well, he is one heck of a great runner! Hey! I wonder how O’Reilly would handle it if I asked Mike Tyson to be Secretary of Defense?

Eventually, some commentator might compare my ridiculous appointments with those carefully considered and “politically correct” appointments made in the past. You know what I’m talking about. Those appointments made prior to authorizing increasing our National Debt Ceiling to $9 Trillion and entangling us in another war that cannot be won and nobody can understand.

To run or not to run, that is the question. As Shakespeare’s words proclaimed: “Whether ‘ties nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, or to take arms against a sea of troubles, and by opposing, end them.”

Ah yes! Which serves our nation best? Suffering silently under the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune? Or looking beyond it all in search of wisdom hidden within a dose of old fashioned humor?

To be or not to be? This is not a question. It is a choice. I’ll think about it two more months.

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Vince Johnson welcomes comments. Please send them to,Vince Johnson(vjadtrak@centurytel.net)
Vince Johnson welcomes comments. Please send them to,Vince Johnson(vjadtrak@centurytel.net)
See Vince in the new book Americans on Politics. Policy, and Pop-Culture.


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